The Unspoken Ethic

As the month of July continued I was told by those I made REAL contact with how different I was from even the year before, I smiled and laughed more than I had in a long time…… My online persona however was quite different. With the exception of openly playing around as there were a lot of online quizzes that I would take because I still did not have much to do in a tent on top of the mountain and the one on one contact I made to support those who I did not lump in with the ones I was aiming at, I started taking a dark turn. My dark turn however was actually the beginning of a strategy I was laying out. The bitch of it was things played into it that I had not planned and often I found myself being committed to the ebb and flow of what was happening with everyone, some who had remained silent allowed their true feelings of my ordeal be known. Like beating the grass to draw out the snakes. On top of what I learned from my ex wife on how to be a manipulative motherfucker I was gaining quite the education all on my own to fill the gaps. It was such a stretch from what everyone knew me to be that it was even suggested that I was strung out on something, but the truth of the matter was change. Be this. What? The guy who sat quiet in a corner unless I was putting myself out there, not for my sake but everyone else? I did that, what it got me was ignored and overlooked when it came to my needs. Be that. What? The guy who bolsters the strength of someone at the expense of their own? I did that too. It led to me having the very surreal experience of Googleing myself and finding my mug shot from an arrest that got national recognition for having the word terroristic three spots above where my name was still listed for having played in a poker tournament for fucking charity. Be the change you want to see in the world? Whu? You mean turn the other cheek? Be a naive Care Bear who just wants so bad to see the best in people because they are the ones who do not contribute to the madness, Oh but they do. Never make the mistake of thinking that burying your fucking head in the sand is the same thing as being Zen and you are so righteous and above all of it. I did and it got me booted into the street once and then ran out of the place I was staying a second time, it cost me thinking that I could just walk away, some things, some people there simply is no walking away from, sometimes you have to be the bastard that will do what the Care Bears won’t. I got mean, I told them I was going to, but I always offered an out. Much later I would get even meaner against another worthless little piece of shit who thought they were good enough to take my title, but that.. well I digress that one really isn’t relevant to this story or anything else for that matter.

July 6th

This was one of those quizzes I told you about. The title of it was What Kind Of Human Being Are You? I got Sympathetic, Heh heh.

As one who defies conflict between nature and nurture, as I am an asshole by a bit of both, I have to say. What the fuck are these boys smokin eh?

Comments:

DM: I got Sonuvabitch.

Shayne: Damn it what did you do that I didn’t dooooo?

DM: I cry when I masturbate, for starters..

Shayne: LOL Now see I tend to do that more afterwards, GAWD no wonder it gave me the mark of a little bitch.

DM: You are not truly a man until you can have sex with a plywood wall and still get off.

Shayne: Whoa, ( No body makes it the first time without a splinter.)

Alright, This is the first in a new segment I call The Webster Corrector.

Insanity: revised definition. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome, due to damaged cognitive processing.

The original definition is now used for another word.

July 7th

Faster than a local theater can switch out board members, More fun to make fun of than a pouty faced slut stomping off like a 3 year old to cry in an empty room, IT’S MEEEEEE!!!!! Cutting back shrubs on unlevel ground with sharp objects. HAHA < Yeah this was one of those DIRECT assaults I mentioned the previous month and it wasn’t just a shot at the one who had been consistently fucking with me for weeks it was a reminder to her of an incident that I stood as the only person to ever really take up for her over, even as her BFF sat at the very table and let it happen and never questioned the decision that was reached afterwards. That was not the first slap in the face I got from this one. Some of you might remember the entry that covered January of 2014. Remember the “friend” who ran to my wife? PM That was her, while I had gotten rid of her ass, a couple months later she commented on something on another of my pages and I wondered if after my being booted out in the manner that I was and having to deal with what my Ex Wife was becoming if she wasn’t trying to make amends, It would take me another couple months and an accidental friend request not to her directly but to an account she had made for a character she performed as wearing a mask. I had figured what the Hell let bygones be bygones in the understanding that my bitch ass ex wife had duped us all in some way.

Comments:

RN: You’ll only be free when you let the past go bro? Why constantly hurt yourself unless you like it.

Shayne: Part of the process, I passed anger my second week on the streets towards a bunch of Shallow ass hippy shitfacers, too naive and blind to see anything past their own upturned noses. Still showing no signs of being that “GREAT DANGER” everyone was warned about. 😀 but I am so not beyond pointing and laughing, I find in this day and age it is more effective than saying shame on you.

RN: The longer you go without going off- the more shame they will feel and the more wrong another will look. That other one has yet to feel the heat- but will soon be burnt by their very words. < I wasn’t angry anymore, I was past that, now I was just setting the stage to strip the power structure away from my real enemy. PM headed up a burly Q troupe that would make use of the theater my ex wife was president of. Lets get something straight, I don’t hate the girl, I don’t particularly like her, but she put herself on the wrong side of a fight that had gotten seriously fucking nasty.

There’s a button for that. Push it. < The previous post got quite a response, so I thought it only fair to remind the poor girl if she does not like me or what I say, her ass is free to go at any time. She didn’t of course none of them would, they just kept sticking around never trying to straighten things out, never leaving but always wanting to cry about how mean I was. Why would a person stick around? Spite? Stupidity? Pride? Attention? I always left the door open to walk out, masochists never do.

July 10th

July 11th

Blessed be the days that teach us the wisdom to know the truth to these words. Patients is more than a virtue, it’s about right time, right place. Some already know this. Some of us are still learning. < Baiting the trap, to drive a point home.

Comments:

RN: But you ARE learning. And that is more then most ppl can say Shayne Workman In your situation most would’ve already quit

Shayne: Not afraid to say the hardest battles fought have been against myself. The hate, the nights I wanted to “catch” the train. The fear. I’ve done every bit of it without pill one for five months. I’m not crazy, well at least not THAT fucking crazy or I never would have been able to pull that off. The imbalance is still there and I’ve noticed an increase in my PTSD traits. It’s my nature that I struggle the most with, I can’t sugar coat shit, been through too much, seen way too much, know way too much more than anyone realizes, to give enough of a fuck to call any of it anything but what it is. If I died that night on the river bank 3 on 1, everyone would have called it a tragedy, half of them might have meant it, few of them would have admitted that there was another and THEY have done everything in their power to put me in that spot, where if the depression doesn’t get you, the elements will. And for what? Because I’m a monster? If that were true, I wouldn’t need a fraction of the justification that I’ve been given and still I hold MY shit together better than anyone could expect or hope given the circumstances. No one gets the truth, that I am here because I broke control and you can’t be up someones asshole 24/7 for YEARS and not know every single one of their dirty little secrets. And yet here I sit, 😀 her long term game always did suck ass.

TCH: Yes, you are learning, and you’re a survivor. Take this opportunity to not just create a new life…but a better life for yourself. Life is what you make it. It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

Shayne: I flipped a shiny penny, 2014 shield on the back, spared no expense, one cent.

RN: Shayne Workman have you seen the moon tonight? Tomorrow is another moon of Blood Boiling/ super moon. It has medicine that affects us all. Tomorrow if you’re not working; get your hands into the soil- Grandmother’s Medicine is just as strong or stronger; and it’s a calming medicine. Plant something, put in a fire circle and dig out the fittings for the stones- but get your hands into Grandmothers Medicine and feel the Peace and Serenity. That’s how you get at the ones who’d push you or abandon you- be what you really are and they wear the face of Liars and Cowards. This is a learning brother. Time to learn how to connect with all Ppl’s ( earth ppl, stone ppl, water ppl, and many more) Let ppl think I speak crazy- they don’t matter! I know the medicine/energy you posses and it’s coming time for you to experience the connections and meet the energies/medicine OUR PPL’s have. I am proud of you brother. You are getting disciplined and motivated! But learn how to counteract anything that would draw on your medicine in a negative way. In time- this same moon medicine will be good in your life; but that will be after matters of the past are settled completely. Prayers and Blessings be with you
FYI- COOLER weather next week. Starts around Tues/Weds. Lows could get in 40-50’s range- no shit; in friggin July lol

Shayne: Not just a liar brother, really think about the TYPE of person who would do that to another. There IS a real DANGER, but it isn’t me. That is what fools can’t see. Buyer Beware. The type of person you associate with or worse GIVE power to. Maybe if any of them could actually OPEN their fucking eyes, they would see that it isn’t THEM I’m against with most of the shit I say.

RN: It’s the time and emotion that you give to someone that gives them power. Speak not of, do nothing about and react not to their howling. Coyote( liar,trickster) Is the only dog that constantly howls. Liars constantly stir the shit, add a little more- and always claim to be the victim. And sooner or later even the deaf and blind can figure out who is the howling dog! Those that don’t see it- choose not to; remember that for one day there will be some who try and tell you different.
So much happening these days- a lot to learn? Dwelling on the past? And accomplishing what? Rest well! < Sometimes they bite too, sometimes you have to have the will to do what is necessary and sometimes that requires you to be as dirty as the one you are against. I always had great respect for what this man told me and I took both what I found logical to take from it as well as the calm it helped instill during the times I needed it most, you see when you are pulling the same dirty shit as your enemy it helps to have some that can ground you and keep you rooted to not get completely lost in it. The one thing that eventually even he would see is that it wasn’t the past I was worried about, it was the crazy bitch who even during this time period that I was miles away and not saying a damn thing to her who was periodically going to the police station trying her damnedest to get me locked up again. A fact that would lead to her final loss. Sometimes there is no walking away.

TCH: RN. I believe I will take this advice and get my hands on Mother Earth. I sat outside with friends under the full moon tonight and let it’s soft and energizing light shine on me. I don’t know what I believe as far as religion anymore but do believe the planets and universe are made of raw natural energy and think one can benefit from its effects if they care to look for it. < I did this as well. He is so far gone they told themselves, 😀 Appearances can be deceiving.

July 12th

“The Prophesy”

A battle rages, light and dark, within his own lonely story arc. To live and love and just be free from a past that’s all his heart can see.

But inked by acid venom pen, he wrote a book with every sin. Immoral deeds, illegal acts, the REAL thoughts of those with whom they interact.

Ah Hell what can I say?
Blame it all on me roots. I showed up in boots and ruieened ye black tie affair. LOL < I got the impression my good fortune got on a few nerves. 😀

We’ve tried to figure out how I manage to get so damn lucky EVERY TIME shit gets it’s worse. We keep drawing a blank, we think it may be ghosts. 😀

July 13th

If God exists, he is like a chemist in a meth lab, trying desperately to get the payoff from a volatile concoction that could blow up in his face and if he doesn’t, it changes nothing because it was always on US 😀 In which case I must say, thank God for free will.

July 14th

Wow……one should not simply wake up with blood dribbling from their ear.

I think I might actually bury the remains of this one. That had to be the most vicious goddamn tick I have ever encountered.