The following was taken from a Facebook post that I wrote in order to let every one know that I was alive and not to worry.
I want to clear a few things, because I know right about all day, there have been many of you asking for another version of the story. Yesterday after feeling the brunt of a bad medication cocktail for three days, apparently my second med that I got put on two weeks ago started overtaking the first causing my lows to be much lower than I was realizing, until…. well the exact same damn argument my wife and I have always had broke out, when I say the same fight I damn well mean right down to the every word is almost identical every time. It has been this way for….hell since the beginning in a lot of ways. situations would rise to make it more or less heated at certain times or others, but the gist was always the same, sooner or later you realize that it just is what it is two stubborn ass bulls locking horns and fucking each other over in the process until all that’s left is resentment. She’s not wrong in some ways, but the fact that she can run next door to her brother or across the yard to her mom and dads, just because she is the one you’ve been calling all day doesn’t make her all that right either, it just means that for about 9 years now I have never been in a position to win any argument, and so the problems I have make for a perfect scapegoat, A person can’t be wrong all the time, eventually no matter how many meds you take, no matter how you try to do things better or different, you stop trying at certain level, It’s hard to be a person when all you feel you are is sub human, maybe that door swings both ways, leaving was and is going to be for the best I think for both of us. That realization did not make a damn thing any easier for me,to a level that scared the hell out of even me, I mean I walked out before and sometimes spent nights outdoors when shit really blew up, and it would suck, but I never was the type to give a serious thought to swallowing a freight train, I did not think it possible, until last night. And so when I made a call to a family member and the first words out my mouth was I’m in trouble, I can’t be alone tonight, and the response was what I expected, a thinly veiled attempt to get me to stay where I was not wanted. I broke about as much as a human can. I was driven to the ER of General because that was the only option I had left, I repeat not a social person normally and it is times like last night that that stupidity bites me in the ass, what good does being on your own do when you have nowhere you can go? I spent about the loneliest goddamn night of my life laying on a foam bed in the cold ass hallways of the ER, on the road to being committed when all I needed to get through was some one, any one to hear me out just once, just all the shit I keep bottled inside rotting within. I survived, some how I always do, it got a little sketchy this morning though the run around beginning with the social worker, then the doctor, then the social worker again followed by a Prestera rep, who actually saved my ass, from the doctor who decided in two offhand questions to, like I said put the chains on me. There I was dropped, there I was left. I was given 2 dollars in bus passes because no one was coming to get me, by the social worker and walked out of my own volition at some point after 11 this morning. I never went home, though obviously I am quite alive and well. At the moment that is all I will say on that. I would also like to state, that I can admit when I’m wrong, and while I make no apologies for the points I’ve raised in any of my posts, the hard edged cruelty, of the delivery has been amped by all the shit that I have seen being layed out for my departure to be made inevitable, and that was more than what anyone deserved, I am sorry for that.
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