Music

This is meant to be a lighter post than normal, but ironically I seem to have put it off until again I have to inform you that ten hours ago crowds were being broken up on Bourbon Street in New Orleans as the restrictions tighten up in the interest of squashing this bug that has swept in and taken the world by storm. Everyone knows it’s serious when Twitter, which is normally a political battleground between “Conservatives” and “Progressives” has seen most of everyone turn their attention to a far bigger enemy to the world than a reality TV star public official and on some level for that I am grateful. It’s almost like this thing is forcing us to break down certain barriers that have kept us going at each other nonstop for almost four years. As of yesterday it’s been reported that Louisiana has had 77 cases of Corona with a single death resulting from that. Bourbon Street being shut down makes things seem far worse than they are, but I feel it’s important to remind people that these are preventative measures at this stage. I wanted to note this because getting this information out there as fast as this virus spreads is likely to be as important a factor in bringing this historic mess to a close as making a vaccine. Here is the link to that recent news story. Cantrell Tweets Big Crowds Being Broken Up, Hash Tags Bourbon Street As Restrictions Tighten.

That’s it for the spooky news of current affairs. How about something a little more fun? A few weeks back I had decided that it was time to make my presence known on YouTube as I am getting back into the swing of things after a long hiatus and I had a little performance piece in mind when it was brought to my attention that Mardi Gras was happening the following week. Now I don’t know how many out there are aware of the term busking or what it entails, so I will tell you that it is the act of either performing on the street or posing with people for pictures that garner tips from those who appreciate giving them a memory to take with them. New Orleans has always been one of the biggest places for this type of activity and it was my thought to go during its biggest celebration of the year and try my luck at something I have never done before.

Setting out at 6am.

Getting in touch with an old work friend from one of the times I was down here before moving, I managed to get a ride all the way into New Orleans on Lundi Gras, The Monday before Fat Tuesday during the Mardi Gras celebration. Both as I entered the downtown area and I was left, I was met with the very sobering sight of the collapsed Hard Rock Cafe Hotel that’s debris still harbors the remains of two of the workers since there has been no safe way to retrieve them without putting even more lives in danger. It was quite the sight and not exactly what I would have wanted to see first thing as I was rolling into the biggest celebration of the city. I know I said no more spooky stuff, sadly it is unavoidable in life, but I promise, the rest is just good old fashioned fun…..After a while anyway..

By 9:25 am I was on Bourbon Street where I came to realize there were not many people at all. I had forgotten that, between the night before and the early morning clean up of the street and alcohol restock trucks that I would have a bit to wait. My intent in coming here was to make a little money, but not five minutes in I had already given a homeless lady a dollar she had asked for and another twenty minutes saw me cave into the restrooms for paying customers only stipulation of the few places opened that actually had one. Thirty minutes in I was already down thirteen dollars, it was not looking good, nor would it for the rest of the day. My mission failing, I decided let’s just take in the whole experience and not worry about the business aspect. From there the day went pretty well.

Near empty streets during Mardi Gras was not what I was expecting.
New Orleans bookstores remind me of Diagon Alley. They also remind me of what a fire hazard looks like.
Look Ma! Fake White Castle!
The Rarely captured backside of the St. Louis Cathedral, Where artists come to draw inspiration.
The fine window shopping fashion of The Trashy Diva. LOL
The world-famous House of Blues.
There the people are finally. From about 11 am onwards the streets started filling up.
But then I found it. The house in New Orleans, they call The Rising Sun….And that was it, I was RUEENED!!!!RUEENED I SAY!!!! Like the song tells us.
It’s not every day you get to watch a brave elderly lady celebrate her birthday……By riding a mechanical bull. It’s a good thing it was happy hour and I had a few Corona (The Beer of our Neighbors in Mexico, not the virus.) to adjust to what I was witnessing.
One of the many parades.
I could have sworn I had a better shot of the plastic five-gallon bucket drummer. Everyone has a gig in The Big Easy.
The face you make at the end of your half-successful day when an older lady who was a spitting image of Talia Shire grabs your backside and pretends to talk on her phone. Yo Adrian! What the Hell?!?!

So that was my day in a nutshell. I went with a dream of making some cash, left with far less than I came in with, but I saw a side of things that I don’t usually get to see. All in all, I can’t complain. It was a much-needed change of pace to my normal too quiet life. In afterthought, I could have done far worse, I could have come out of it far worse if what happened last night was any indication. And I think it will help to show everyone an idea of the normal we are seeking to get back to. It’s always good to know what you are fighting for.

Hey It’s been, I don’t know, a week or two since I last posted? Want to look at that post that includes petitions regarding Children’s Healthcare click here BURN IT DOWN! An All Out Assault Against Society Weakening Ideology. Before I get into today’s topic I’m going to need you to do something. I need you to believe in something that more and more these days seems IMPOSSIBLE. Can you do that? 😀 Good. You ever have those moments when you feel the need to ask yourself what would John Quinones do? For those who don’t know who this is, he is a journalist who did a show called “What Would You Do?” It was the perfect mixture of prank show and genuine social experimentation. Actors were hired to go out in public and create scenes, depicting acts ranging from race bashing, to abuse scenarios. They even had someone go out twice both as how they really are and in a fat suit with kick ass make up to see how people reacted differently between the model and the fat person. I mean you name it they were running a scenario for it and sometimes doing the same one in different places. Noting from hidden cameras, both the people who ignored what was happening and those who stepped up to act against it. They would always interview the ones who reacted to find out why they did. As far as reality television goes, this to me was one that had real educational value to it.

Well I think we have seen just about every real world scenario there is to be seen, whatever “What Would You Do?” hasn’t covered Tom Green certainly did back in his early days and while that was comedy it did push the limits of seeing how everyday people react to just ridiculous circumstances. That said Debate is a Lost Art, and I know there are going to be people out there who will read that and scream Debate Teams, Election Debates, The one’s you have seen between scientists and Christians and the thing is all of these are essentially COMPETITIONS and the Winners are determined by others viewing it’s very STRUCTURED RULE SET. I’m talking REAL DEBATE what we want to call debate today when compared to it is like the difference between Kendo and Genuine Sword fighting. First off in REAL DEBATE it is NOT about winning. When both sides are RECEPTIVE ENOUGH it is about each expanding their ideology through the EXCHANGE OF IDEAS. There is such a resistance in this age to the notion of exchanging idea’s. It’s like everybody wants to believe THEY ARE RIGHT. Let’s look at some of the reasons. First: It’s a matter of having a fixed and set belief system, this is something people cling to even during the times it does not make sense or even apply to the situation. It’s just easier to stick to your guns than adopt an idea from another person….especially if you disagree with most everything they say. Second: FEAR of anything that goes against your grain. FEAR is one of those things that exists to trigger Survival mode in our minds to make it easier to overcome obstacles, but it can also be it’s own obstacle when left unchecked.When we fear the result of being “WRONG” we become resistant to ACCEPTING the idea’s of others. Third: I have basically already covered in saying that we have twisted the idea of what debate is into being a COMPETITION, when you think DEBATE you automatically go into defense/offense mode in the belief that it is something that you can or have to WIN. When we do this we forsake accepting the ideas of others in the belief that as opponents their ideas are something to be BEATEN, not adopted.

One more thing before I go into the particulars of my little social experiment. In light of it being the holiday season and a time of gifting I will leave a few links to where you can find the albums of the band whose music played a key role in it. As you will see I give them Hell, but everyone is has the right to FORM their opinion and honestly my Biggest reason lies in the fact that you can’t run a social experiment without openly stirring the shit pot to get the ball rolling on it. If my results are any indication of the type of people this bands music inspire, believe me when I tell you I would see it all go triple platinum.


https://www.amazon.com/Could-Do-Whatever-Wanted-If/dp/B00BQ1DC16

https://www.amazon.com/Fuck-Your-Emotional-Bullshit-Snowing/dp/B00GMVGEHY

https://www.amazon.com/That-Time-Sat-Pile-Chocolate/dp/B01E84E2PC

It started with just the right search of words on Youtube about a week ago. I happened across the EP Fuck Your Emotional Bullshit by an emo band called Snowing.  2 minutes in and I’m shaking my head trying to discern the lyrics over the cacophony of sounds that just bombard you when you are listening to this. SO I Google the lyrics and what I found was some fairly smart points regarding the sort of things that both cause strong emotion, but also beat people down into a state of emotional numbness. Okay, so for me it was sort of like Nirvana. Some of their songs you could follow what was being said some of it I had to wonder if there was even real words in there when I listened, but if you look at the songs as they are written it is exactly what everyone says it is…Genius. So naturally this is what I commented. (Click Images to see in full size)

 

With the open challenge issued all I had to do was sit back and wait for the responses, if there would be any, to come in. The first did almost immediately and I was impressed by what was actually just a fan who stated his own opinion and that was it. No fight, nothing more than a trade of opinions. So I’m thinking, Alright there are people who get it. People who don’t take such things too personally. I’m cool with that.

The second response came the next day and truthfully it was of a type that I expected, because it is  a very common type of response when someone says something that someone else does not like.

The Third response came the day after. this was one that I had expected sooner in the chain, more like first or second, because it is becoming more and more common a response in this day and age. It is the response I call The Care Bear response and I know if you have read much of anything I have written in the last four years then you know my take on The Care Bear response. And not to my surprise this one actually became an exchange. Because I am a Debater and as such I push the envelop, this makes me like oil to this type of person’s water. They tend to be the ones I ultimately rub the wrong way the most. This is also one of the best type of responses to start switching gears on to show a different side to the argument that you present.

Things went eerily quiet after that for a few days and for a moment I allowed myself to think that my little experiment had run it’s course with little real success. I was wrong. The fourth response was exactly what I had been most expecting and I was glad that it was actually the fourth in line because I had already sewed the seeds for changing up the argument altogether. As you will find what came AFTER this response was EXACTLY the thing that had made this a success. What you see here is the ANGRY RESPONSE. You will note that mine comes back even more harsh. The reason for this was so that if he looked back over how I responded to the others he would see a distinct difference in my demeanor versus how I mirrored his own. Keep an eye on this guy because he will show up later as well.

Remember when I said that I have a way of rubbing those with The Care Bear response the wrong way? Well guess who popped back up. and with that a new exchange was begun until it was suddenly stopped cold……Not by me and not by the guy with The Care Bear response, but by the one who initially had The ANGRY RESPONSE. Check it out.

There, RIGHT THERE was the moment my whole reason for stirring the shit pot. Suffice to say from this point forward My responses to others took on a different tone altogether. It makes no sense to continue being the person who stirs the shit pot once you found someone with a sense of reason who is capable of listening and learning from what others have to say. Doing so would then become COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. So it was when the fifth type of response came around The Innocent of any real insult, but questioning of how someone can stir that shit pot so willingly I honestly found how the girl put it hilarious and so I decided to take the path of adding to the comic relief.

Last came the type of response that I actually had hoped for but had not expected at all. This one came out swinging with an actual argument against my original statement, and a fairly well thought out argument at that. It all comes down to what a person takes personal, and in my own response I point out a lighter side to taking criticism and an appreciation for the thought put into coming back at my arguments.

Now for the point where I ACCEPT a few things of my own. Admittedly it I still find this music a bit of an acquired taste, but if we are being honest there are MANY reasons to come to really like something. For me I have to say this music offered an experience for me that I was not expecting through just the pure diversity of the people and their mind sets who listen to it. They are cool people. And this band are some real bad asses for bringing that together, I haven’t yet listened to the rest of what they have done, but knowing myself…I have Taylor Swift songs that I like…….I can’t STAND Taylor Swift, no offense to her. LOL It is very unlikely that I will not find something of theirs that I listen to repeatedly. With that I became the 873rd person to like their video…You know, the one I bitched about.

….. Why did I do all of this? It’s simple. Get online, any social media outlet, watch the news…..All 15 versions of it, listen to the people around you. What have we heard lately? A mess of LABEL THROWING, Left wingers, Right wingers, We protest this, we’re boycotting you because you protested it. It seems like we are living in a society that is dead set on being divisive, with a lack of OPENNESS that can’t help but make you wonder if there is truly ANY HOPE of repairing the rift. and you can say, at least Americans can, that it’s our current President’s fault and while he has been a huge factor, we were getting that way for a long time already, even before he decided to run for office. Partisan politics, are only a symptom of the REAL PROBLEM. Hell I have a page on here thanking Eminem for his music and what it did to keep me motivated and moving forward, but I don’t really listen to that much now and the reason is because he recently chimed in with a freestyle rap against the president. I agree with most everything he said in that freestyle, I laughed about a lot of it and then he did one of the dumbest things. He laid out an ultimatum to the people who listened to his music……. You can’t side with one and the other, you can’t walk the fence. In that moment the DUMB SON OF A BITCH BECAME THE SAME PROBLEM AS THE OTHER GUY. He essentially fed into the DIVISION of our people and THAT I am SO NOT COOL WITH. If your idea of fixing the problem is just setting people up like chess pieces for a battle you refuse to find, Hell to even bother to LOOK for an alternative path to, it’s on you too. I did this because with as IRREPARABLY DIVIDED as people seem intent on staying in this day and age it is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to show, even in such a small form, that  as UGLY as OPEN DIALOGUE can be in it’s beginning stages, when people are OPEN ENOUGH the EXCHANGE of IDEAS is integral to our GROWTH, both as a person and as a people. Happy Holiday Season to All.

 

 

 

“By the time you hear this I will have already spiraled up, I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my world up. If I were you I would duck or get struck like lightning, Fighters keep fighting put your lighters up point em skyward, uh” – Eminem

There had been a strange sort of social gathering in front of the courthouse in Spencer the day of my trial, one that had lasted roughly five times as long as the trial itself, which was simply a matter of beginning the plea process. In honesty I thought it would have been harder than it was, while I still had a sickening knot in my stomach signing my name to the papers that would see me plea guilty to the misdemeanor charge that had been tacked on by the grand jury in exchange for the felony being dropped, that knot was still considerably more loose than the one I had walked into the courthouse with before I knew the prosecution was offering any kind of deal at all. Like I had said previously, I will take a loss in battle for the sake of staying in the war itself. There was zero chance of me getting out of anything had I fought the charges for multiple reasons, I had no one fighting that battle on my side really, I was an outsider in a town where my jury would be selected from people who had been hearing my name over the radio during each step of the process. There was simply no way to get out of this ordeal unscathed, luckily I had been spending the whole fucking year learning how to live with getting scathed so I was a little more prepared for damage control than I had been for the fight itself. That social gathering out front of the courthouse consisted of myself, NC and her son, my brother and oldest nephew, and I was surprised though more by his presence than by his being unfashionably late, my father, ( Though in his defense the whole damn thing was over in about ten minutes, and that included my meeting with the probation officer afterward to set an appointment for initial probation interview in case the judge went with it for sentencing. Spoiler alert, he did.)  It was celebration for a about an hour as everyone was introduced and was catching up on various things that had been going on in our lives. It was a gathering of FAMILY, REAL FAMILY both blood and non blood, I had felt better that day than I had in very long time the greatest weight I was lugging around for almost a year had finally been lifted. My brother pulled me aside and was going on and on about my run of Story Time that I had put up in six posts, about how it had spread like wild fire around his house everyone getting in on it waiting for each new part to the story, I decided then that I would go back to it, it actually did represent the first thing that I had actually written through to completion and it just felt like it was not over yet. Something in me was changing and I was starting to realize that just as I had set myself up for the fall, so too had been setting myself up for the comeback and now it was time to push on. We parted ways from the courthouse and upon returning to the farm I remember going upstairs to the studio above the garage I had spent the night before up there, catching up on Arrow because there was no way in Hell sleep was going to happen that night and thinking back almost a year before to the day I was arrested right outside the door on the porch. The worst was over now and I remember crashing on the bed, an actual bed, something I had not really had the luxury of for a long ass time and I got the best few hours of sleep I had, had in well over a year or since for that matter. I returned to the mountain that night an celebrate on that warm Summer evening looking up at the stars and laying out what my next move would be. Over the next couple weeks I would make a return to story time A seven part run this time that was a prequel of sorts to the first run. I would continue writing but more importantly I would spend my time setting things up.

 

September 1st

 

Alright all stragglers, you have one week to check out the first draft structure of story time, after that it gets removed from my wall so the real work can start on it. I’m actually gonna have time to do that, soon. Story time will however return soon, this time with a whole new story that will be completely seperate from these last two. I’m liking the per post structure. It is great for mapping out the whole story while leaving plenty of room for plot enhancement when it is time to get serious.

Thank you for the personal reviews, they have helped a lot, 😀 especially one that would compare the story to a national bestselling series…..That’s right I get the last laugh on that one after all. < I had a smart ass buddy make a joke about how they could tell I was Team Jacob because my character and base for BIG CAT turns into a giant black tiger. 😀 This post was in regards to the second story I did in seven parts, which told back story to the first story I did. As I have said these two stories became what I would build on for the upcoming full length novel “The Tale Of The Twin Flames”

 

September 2nd

 

Diary of a Vagabond King
THE EPILOGUE
Well, gave everyone an idea of where I am at on a rather spiritual level at this point, but that wasn’t the only tale that needed a happy ending, was it? First off, damn I couldn’t spread that stack well enough to catch it all on this phone. 😀 I know, I know, money isn’t everything, but like another great artist once said ” It’s not about money, it’s about sending a message.” and in this case that message is…. 😀 No one and I mean NO ONE tells a fucking TIGER what to do, or tells them what their value is for that matter…..unless, you know, they’re freakish German tiger whispering, illusionists, but even then, shit happens. I just met with a man earlier today, before the rain could postpone that meeting yet again and I will be starting a second job, and for awhile anyway my paydays double. I never really did get to check much on that other shit I did prior to finding my new spot and well, as you can see, now I don’t really need to, my front door still zips rather than locks, but that will soon change as well. Friday I go back to Spencer, one more time to find out what(SMACK) 😀 my slap on the wrist for what bullshit that managed to actually stick will be. This is the end of the vagabond king, because by the time I get the itch or the time to give you an update, I will no longer BE a vagabond. She was right, once I make it to the end of this road I will no longer have any reasons to doubt myself. There is still no going back for me though, the hard cold fact remains that for somethings there can be no redemption. LOL like a hobbit, I can go there and back again, but shit just won’t be the same. I don’t fancy the idea of hanging around an area with too many people that I will never be able to look at the same way after knowing how easily I can be discarded in the face of SIMPLY being an inconvenience to the shit they find soooo important. Just as I know, that they will never be able to look at me the same way again, not after finding out that, the quiet one, the tall, dark and brooding one, that shows a sweet side, even though he has to silently fight his inner demons, has a rather vile and soulless side and that side just won’t let them skate with the bullshit. Far better to just start over somewhere new when it’s all said and done. Let me just wrap this up by saying, I’m all good, I was always going to be, because I am far too fucking stubborn to be anything but, no matter what gets thrown at me. LOL in a few days time I will activate the magic card GRACEFUL CHARITY. That will begin the next phase beyond JUST surviving. Yes that was a metaphor. 😀 Till next time. 

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Comments:

TCH: Rest in peace to the Vagabond King. Happy he didn’t die, but Evolved. I know you would never choose to relive this chapter of your life but maybe it was essential to your “metamorphosis”. Blessings to you on your journey.

Shayne: Yeah God knows, I don’t think I can handle this shit AGAIN when I’m 55. 😀

CL: Lol I sure hope not little brother

 

September 4th

 

😀 The Device!!!! I now have a farrrr better tool than this DAMN PHONE, uuuggghhh, now if only I can remember how to use one of these fucking things. < It was time to invest in the future so I took part of that knot and got a lap top for ease of use, now I was about to get serious.

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I thought it might take me a couple more days than it did to become a little more batman like with the gadgets, first things first, i’m gonna make an ass out of myself (Heh, heh, I know nothing new right?) and assume everyone is caught up completely on story time. As in I’m pulling that shit, now that I actually can commit to the real work to be done to it. 😀 And yes, I am well aware of the grammar issues, it’s just on Face Book I don’t tend to give a fuck about such things, but hey at least I don’t falter when it comes to NOT using that damn text jargon like: sihdgeorhgweuh, You know what that means? Not a damn thing, just like the rest of that shit. LOL

 

September 6th

 

Holy Shit! I just converted both runs of story time into a Word document, it totaled 14,430 words and took up 19 pages and that was without proper spacing. I did that…..on a fucking phone.

 

September 7th

 

Fucking insomnia, oh well, with my first story tucked safely away on my lap top, ready for extensions and revisions, I think it’s time to roll some more dough while that bun is in the oven. 😀 Story Time is up next kids, with the opening chapter of an all new story. This ones different, first off it is total fabrication, you will find neither Natasha nor me in this tale, however think of it as being in the same universe. Remember when Natasha warned that she wasn’t all there was in the other realm? YESSSSS where before I gave you the heartfelt light of inspiration, I return now….to the dark side. In this story you will meet the polar opposite of the guardians and guides… the tricksters. 😀 Yes THIS is a horror story, one that shows us a small piece of what lurks in the dark corners of places better left to those with guidance.

 

September 8th

 

Finally got to take the weed eater to the hill. Oh picture two is reverse angle, I can’t remember if I ever showed you my humble abode, that red folding chair to the left 😀 that’s the throne of the king of the mountain, Big Cat. It is also my DJ booth for jukebox night my writing chair and my meditation chamber. That vehicle parked in the background, that’s my job and gas station shuttle.

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September 11th

 

I love my early morning visitors, though last night Pepe broke the line of the no skunk zone.

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September 12th

 

Another story now converted to Word and locked away. This one stood at 10 pages, 7333 words. That last one will see publication first as it is meant to be a short story. The first two runs as you know combine, but there is still a lot of information that needs filled in along with the revisions.

So, while I work on the revisions for the last story, We are going to switch gears here with story time. Your next story is a bit of fan fiction, in other words, just for shits and giggles and to keep my flow going while I get that last piece ready to make it’s acquaintance with a much larger audience. < That was my third short story in right at a month, and it was now ready to be edited, though I would find that there is a practice issue involved where formatting for e books were concerned. I would continue on my tear with a bit of fan fiction that I will not name at this time but I will make available when it is finished as it is that may be some time off considering I have a lot of other work to do.

 

September 15th

 

That was fucked up yo. Have you ever had a dream that you were in the middle of nowhere, dozing off in a car, when suddenly someone you can’t see starts knocking at the driver side window? Only to wake up in a vehicle, in the middle of nowhere, wondering if someone had creeped up here and was fucking with you. Damn, there went my one good hours sleep.

Comments:

NC: Yikes. Those dreams do rattle the brain. Jot it down for future use in your writing.

 

September 19th

 

Damn yo, this little gangster just parked right behind me, stuck his fuzzy head out the window and asked. “What da fuck are you gonna do about it?”

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September 22nd

 

😀  Big Cat approves of this message. LOL

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September 25th

 

Alright someone plant a boot firmly in my ass. Katy Perry was one thing, she’s cool, but when I’m taking on Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande JUST because Google Play is giving it away for free…….just fucking shoot me already. < By now you no doubt notice that this month had a completely different vibe to it. Fun at times, I was mainly busy as fuck with my writing. I had something to focus on again, and the tools needed to focus on it with no real distractions……yet the worst distraction would come later when a trusted member of the 37 went rogue on my ass, causing the beast to come forth again. Already tired and jaded but riding a serious vibe for my comeback, that was an interruption and loss that would damn near take me out, a fact that would make me far meaner than I had been with the previous batch. I still push on, that’s life, no matter how sick of it you get, some things are minor and forgivable, some things make you wish certain people would just fucking hang themselves by the cheap dog collars they wear because they would be doing the world a fucking favor if they did. You still can’t let anything stop you from moving forward, not when it’s the mission that matters most. For me there will be time enough to rest when I decide to finally enact the Ben Kenobi Initiative. 😀

 

September 28th

 

In about two days, I should/will be sharing something with you from the Amazon web store. That being my first published work. The Calibre program is thankfully really easy to use, except for a couple spots that, well lets face it, it doesn’t look like much but when it comes to formatting it’s the little things that look easy to fix that causes you to throw a fucking temper tantrum and rip your damn hair out. It’s nothing major and honestly my ebook STILL looks pretty damn awesome. in the Kindle format my little story that had fewer parts than either of the ones before it, is 45 pages long. I am right now installing the bad ass paint shop pro so that I can design a cover for it. Pretty sure I can finish that shit up tomorrow, normally it only takes a few hours, for the publication to hit the online stores, but it can take days, we’ll see, but that’s your update.  < Another issue I had was learning what I needed, how to use it and ofcourse much later how the fuck to find the time and all the best ways to promote your own shit.

 

September 30th

 

Awight, here’s the score. I just fought for hours with the fucking formatting only to realize the problem was so damn stupid it isn’t funny. It seems when you save your Word document as an HTML file, you really need to go to page layout and click on PAGE BREAK as this will insert the coding to break up the pages as they were in the original text document. Yeah no wonder I wanted to go fucking nuts over lines bleeding on to the following page. grin emoticon It’s fixed, it is uploaded into my Kindle Direct Publishing bookshelf, two things, tomorrow they will validate my tax information and then I can click publish, 12 hours after that it should be in Amazon stores……Winning!! LOL < One step closer to becoming published for the first time. I was actually quite excited despite being aggravated as all Hell at the hours of tweaking that I had to do. I understood that the first time was always going to be the hardest, learning what you need to, creating your system. It was all a challenge but a much welcome one compared to everything else I had faced at this point.

 

 

This is what my snazzy ass looking book cover I designed looks like.

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Comments:

DM: That’s your picture with face paint like The Crow, right? Bevel and emboss on Photoshop?

10689419_750093995056352_2797033730163851352_n < This was the picture that he was referring to.

Shayne: Damn you’re good son. There was a little more to it than that. I erased certain features like the eyes and mouth painted them in then used the warp brush to the brows and mouth to make the fangs. I think I might have used the (maybe pencil art effect, can’t remember my damn brain is fried from fighting with the format all day.) And that is 35 year old aged newspaper I used to get the coloring. I actually used Paintshop Pro X7, I have to check to see if I got the name right.

SH: Very cool!

DM: I’m a self taught professional. I can spot most Photoshop tools and vaguely know what the original was if I’d seen it before. Still a cool outcome though. I like it.

Shayne:  I was gonna get someone to do the art from fiver, but ran short on time because I wanted to get the damn thing published going into October, being a horror story and all. 😀 I just took what I had available and played with it. I’m hoping in the future to have better covers, I might even go back through at some point later on and change the cover to this one, when my other stuff in the series starts coming out, to make it all more uniform.

 

Such a small thing, though not when you consider everything that had to happen just to get me to that point where that small thing had gotten accomplished. In fact you might call it a crowning achievement and it wasn’t just the story, it was the entire change in persona that allowed me to go from being the person who could not even get one thing written through to it’s completion, but three in one month. I will close this entry out in the same fashion that I started it.

 

“Now you wonder why he does it, how he does it
Wasn’t cause he had buzzards circlin’ around his head
Waiting for him to drop dead, was it?
Or was it cause them bitches wrote him off
Little hussy ass, scuzzes, fuck it, guess it doesn’t matter now, does it
What difference it make?
What it take to get it through your thick skulls
That this ain’t some bullshit
People don’t usually come back this way
From a place that was dark as I was in
Just to get to this place
Now let these words be like a switch blade to a haters rib cage
And let it be known that from this day forward
I wanna just say thanks cause your hate is what gave me the strength
So let em bic’s raise cause I came with 5’9″ but I feel like I’m 6’8″! ” – Eminem

 

 

 

“Out came the claws and the fangs been out ever since then, but up until the instant, that I went against it. It was ingrained in me that I wouldn’t amount to a shitstain I thought , No wonder I had to unlearn everything my brain was taught.” – Eminem “Guts over Fear”

Yeah, ghosts really do make good bio-exorcists. I say this because I have learned the hard way that even when the source of your malice is gone the damage done leaves you mean as fuck, at the first reminder of it, or even the idea of it happening again, because the nerve is still raw and it leaves you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Can’t have that shit, can we ? This last year has taught me one thing. I took pride in giving credit to what earned it and giving Hell to the ones who earned it through their actions or inaction’s. But who earns what? That is what has got me wondering if I don’t take shit too far sometimes. When someone goes through a traumatic experience, that trauma will manifest itself in different ways for different people. What merits a comeback to the action of another? I mean you don’t give someone shit for walking with a limp when they sprain an ankle, do you? I think that has been my problem, I can see it now, this whole damn year I have been forced to learn how to survive other peoples shit, but now that the worst of that is over I realize the need to look at how to survive my own shit. Jacking someone who does fucked up shit to someone for the Hell of it is one thing, jacking someone who is just trying to figure out to survive in the face of something that did damage to them, that’s something else. I stress honesty with yourself in these times when you find yourself having to question that, did I ever take it too far bitch slapping someone like me? You can’t always hold the things some people do against them, not really because sometimes it is too much like giving shit to someone for walking with a limp when they have a sprained ankle. That said, once you KNOW what has caused this damage for what it is you are left with a CHOICE, you can either give up all together, recognize what needs fixed and decide that you will NO LONGER ALLOW IT TO CONTROL WHO YOU ARE, or you can continue to LET IT DICTATE WHO YOU ARE. If that last choice is the one you go with, you NO LONGER HAVE THE RIGHT TO LAY BLAME for what YOU CHOOSE TO DO TO ANOTHER. Not on anyone else BUT YOUR DAMN SELF. Like all things it comes down to making the CHOICE of WHO YOU WANT TO BE, the kind of person you want to be. I am in the process of retraining my own mind, because I DON’T WANT TO BE CONTROLLED BY A GODDAMN GHOST ANYMORE. It’s MY LIFE, I control who I will become, now that the slate has been wiped clean.

 

” I know what it was like  I was there once, single parents, hate your appearance. Did you struggle to find your place in this world and the pain spawns all the anger on, but it wasn’t till I put the pain in song, learned who to aim it on that I made a spark, started to spit hard as shit, learned how to harness it while the reigns were off. And there was a lot of bizarre shit, but the crazy part was soon as I stopped saying I gave a fuck haters started to appreciate my art. AND IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART, TO LOOK AT ALL THE PAIN I’VE CAUSED, but what am I gonna do when the rage is gone and the lights go out in that trailer park?” – Eminem “Guts Over Fear”

 

If you make the choice to be more than what others will try to dictate you become through the damage they inflict, the first thing I found it necessary to do is to gain some sense of SELF, in my case it has been taking a look at the principles by which you wish to define yourself and then take account of what actions fit those principles, this would become the core of rebuilding the SELF. I take responsibility for what I HAVE done that may have been more than what was merited, NO MORE, NO LESS. This too is important for in the process of rebuilding yourself, life continues at it’s own fucking pace, you WILL STUMBLE ALONG THE WAY UNTIL YOU GET A FOOT HOLD. Own it, figure out what can be done different, move on. BEAT YOURSELF UP TOO LONG, or for shit that wasn’t even a factor, or yours to CLAIM for that matter and you do more to hinder your progress than to help it. SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE, so that you may properly gauge how far you have to go to BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

 

” So till the break of dawn, here I go recycling the same old song, but I’d rather make Not Afraid 2, than make another motherfucking We Made You uh. And I don’t want to seem indulgent when I discuss my lows and my highs, my demise and my uprise. Pray to God I just opened enough eyes later on and gave you the supplies and the tools, to hopefully use that’ll make you strong, enough to lift yourself up when you feel like I felt, cause I can’t explain to y’all how dang exhausted my legs felt, just trying to balance my dang self, but on eggshells I was made to walk, but thank you ma cause that gave me the, strength to cause Shadymania.” – Eminem “Guts Over Fear”

 

Use it, use it all. Even the hardest shit to endure can be the greatest gift you ever got, if you CHOOSE to let it fuel you in a way that allows you to build something from it rather than destroy EVERYTHING YOU ENCOUNTER THEREAFTER. This becomes the balancing act as you heal, keep those who see this for what it is and will STAND WITH YOU, because they are the ones that will see you through it, if the CHOICE YOU MAKE is one that ALLOWS you to actually do so, 😀 You know, like letting others who might be going through the same thing know that you understand and will help in every way you can. – Love BIG CAT