Procrastination

I have posted in the past about people in positions of power, money, influence, are seldom held accountable for their actions. I have made this point particularly against the workings of Hollywood and the way their politics have bled over into everyday society. Speaking only on things that have been made public record, such as the contractual hijacking of a persons childhood that Disney places on it’s child stars, most of whom are not even deemed old enough to be granted the responsibility of a driver’s license or hold hold a standard job when they are first contracted to become these stars. I have spoken on convicted child rapists who escape they’re penalty being gifted an Academy Award for their work. I have mentioned the ability they have to say and do things openly in the public that the average citizen would get arrested for. All of this is pretty much open and available knowledge, there has always been this rumored underbelly of the beast that has been swept under the rug by their own…..Until now. Now like wildfire people are being outed into the light of day and it is showing no signs of letting up, in fact it is growing. The Harvey Weinstein allegations and subsequent punishment has sparked the #MeToo movement against sexual harassment by women in droves. And while Rose McGowan may down play the actions of a child rapist, whose victim was A BOY, it seems now that former 80’s child star Corey Feldman has had enough with pedophilia being overlooked as a major issue in Hollywood, now he has always spoke up about it, but until recently with so many victims making cases against powerful people in the industry the climate is now right to make the biggest impact and he is making his move, which hopefully brings out the cavalry. My only issue with all of this is that we are seeing some cases come to light which are early signs of the Witch Hunt Syndrome society tends to get whenever something like this becomes a big deal and every body suddenly wants to push to do something about this issue that has been in our faces this whole time. The same thing happened in the education system post Columbine shooting, when everyone decided that they should fear their own schools getting shot up. What this led to initially was kids who were being bullied at the time, now not only had to deal with their tormentors, but the scrutiny of the faculty as well who automatically put them into the suspected potential for mass violence list. Years and multiple mass media covered shootings later, my own incarceration over a misrepresented line in something I wrote became further proof of what happens when we as a society get on a roll with screaming for justice too loudly to hear reasoning over top of it.

That said, I am glad to finally see people trying to take back a very influential industry from predators who have milked secrecy for far too long, and have gained far more power than they deserve because of it. I just want to stress, be mindful of the possible overextentions that have a tendency to follow such a huge movement. BURN IT DOWN, just keep it within the boundaries.

Now you may be wondering why I bring any of this up and how it is in any way relevant to the topic I am about to go into, well here is my answer. You have to wonder why it is pedophilia can be allowed to go under the radar in Hollywood for so long, why an 80’s child star is now standing up to be the hero for others that no one wanted to be for him and the only thing that I can come up with is money, the people who make it and help others make it are people no one wants to stand against. What I am about to tell you is further proof, that there is something terribly wrong with society’s mentality. You see Hollywood is not the only place that has been quietly making children victims. I am referring to Health care in America, in the forms of both denying a child coverage of insurance, or the out right refusal to treat a child all together. The following are example pulled from petitions from http://Change.org

 

For me it began last year with the signing of this petition to help an infant child get put back on the transplant list after being removed, for reasons that she may be developmentally slow. Now I will not rehash the story of baby Lily, you can find it on my page Loss Column

Baby Lily, never did get back on the list in her home area and she died one of the last losses of 2016 on December 31st. That was a hard one because I shared that petition almost daily sometimes in several places. It was beyond me how Health Care providers could leave a child, who had a chance to live to die like that. It seems it does not stop there.

Before I go further I want to cover what is “Claimed” to be the cornerstone of health care givers when they enter the field. Below are both the original Hypocratic Oath as well as it’s reboot for modern language, What I will show you next will make you further question whether or not some health care providers may have mistaken it as the Hypocritical Oath.

Original Version

I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:

To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and to teach them this art—if they desire to learn it—without fee and covenant; to give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have signed the covenant and have taken an oath according to the medical law, but no one else.

I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.

I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody who asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.

I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work.

Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.

What I may see or hear in the course of the treatment or even outside of the treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep to myself, holding such things shameful to be spoken about.

If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.

Reboot Version

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.

I will not be ashamed to say “I know not,” nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient’s recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

 

 

https://www.change.org/p/emory-hospital-approve-life-saving-kidney-transplant-for-2-year-old-boy-before-it-s-too-late?recruiter=481045006&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=share_petition&sharerUserId=481045006&utm_content=nafta_twitter_shortlink%3Acontrol

 

People have said that the pain that is felt during kidney failure can be compared to woman being in labor. You might also add that rather than a life being produced at the end of it, a life ends instead. In the above petition a situation is laid out where that is exactly the fate health care providers have placed on a 2 year old child on account of his father being a parole violator….You heard that right people. Sins of the father has sentenced an innocent 2 year old to a painful death unless something is done to prevent this from happening. I’m sorry is that not often the type of thing that we use as justification for dropping bombs on other countries? When this child is on his death bed, he may still be too young to ask how much more grateful he is to live in the United States than anywhere else in the world. I ask you how is this not criminal enough for the law to step in and either force them to try to do something, or strip them of their license? Let’s ask the US Government, who are here to make America Great Again shall we?

 

https://www.change.org/p/paul-ryan-restore-children-s-healthcare-insurance-program-chip?recruiter=481045006&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=share_petition&sharerUserId=481045006&utm_content=nafta_twitter_shortlink%3Acontrol

Well congress seems content to drag it’s feet on the matter, but then not four years ago dragging it’s feet is exactly what caused a government shut down. Yes that was BEFORE our current President took office, old habits seem to die hard. Every body wants that pay and to have their own health coverage for life, but make a choice that may see them jeopardize that re election campaign and their strength and good judgement, disappears.

 

https://www.change.org/p/demand-the-gop-stop-attacking-our-health-care?recruiter=481045006&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=share_petition&utm_term=177682&sharerUserId=481045006&utm_content=nafta_twitter_shortlink%3Acontrol

I will say this once. When it comes time to scream how pro life you are in enforcing anti abortion laws everyone steps up. When it comes time to show how “Pro Life” you really are when it comes to ensuring the quality of life for the young folk once they are born, “Pro Life” looks a lot more like “Pro Capitalism”

There is something terribly wrong with the mentality of humanity, a wall that blocks us from the good will of common sense. The thing that disturbs me most about it is the indication of how little we honestly care about the future of our people, particularly that of our young folk. You want to know History, you want to know how it is that every great civilization falls, how can it not when it’s only idea of investment is in profit and not in ensuring the quality of life of it’s future generations, especially the ones whose shoulders the most powerful stand on? All of the above are direct links to these petitions, so if you are reading this, you can also go and sign them yourselves, if you see where I am coming from with this. I have already signed and shared them all on social media. If we want a future for our people, the responsibility is as much ours as any politician’s. There is a wall that is blocking us from the future, a REAL FUTURE, and it’s time, much like what people in Hollywood have decided, to BURN IT DOWN! BURN IT DOWN! BURN IT DOWN!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, after multiple delays and sidetracking of a sort unworthy of mentioning in detail. “The Diary Of A Vagabond King” has finally arrived. I am working on getting it uploaded to various sites as it stands it will hit Amazon first at some point in the morning. Nevertheless it has been released at long last. And yes I noticed people looking for the advertisement here after putting it up on Facebook. This is not a drill, or false alarm. The book is out there, find it, buy it, read it. Have a blessed day. – Love BIG CAT

DOAVK

I’ve mentioned in the past that I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD. I’ve mentioned it, but I’ve never really told you all what it means to be BIG CAT constantly fighting a battle with this shit. Lets start with what has to be the most annoying ass symptom.

I am bipolar, I don’t have a VW Bug in my head with all of the safety features, I have a Lamborghini with a hair trigger gas pedal and shitty ass breaks. Take your average Joe who dwells on a thought for a couple hours and this one thought spreads to a new thought and then a new one. These thoughts add up and puts average Joe in a mopey ass funk after a day maybe two, maybe a week. Enter bipolar motherfucker, now the chain of thoughts that took mopey boy a couple days to really fuck him up takes the bipolar motherfucker all of a minute because of the way thoughts race through his mind. In my experience this is by far the key to this mood disorder, because thoughts generate emotion and when thoughts come popping off in rapid fire succession the emotion builds just as fast.

Now before I go on, I want to take a moment to describe for you the two manic states. There is the happy, full of energy state. I have been in this sort of state before, this is the one where emotional shifts are probably the most visible and again, the racing and sometimes shifting thoughts I find are what causes this. The second manic state is driven by all of the negative emotions and is really the equivalent of HULKING OUT. The second type is the one most prevalent in my case. In truth for the most part, I have very rarely managed to get in the first type of manic state without medication. * POINT: Medication never really prevented any of the symptoms in me, they just seemed to trade off the type of manic state or they changed up what symptoms showed themselves. No matter which manic state you find yourself in, it is while in the manic state that such other symptoms like Insomnia, and the dreaded Panic Attack occurs, as well as another annoying one for both the person in the manic state as well as those around them EXCESSIVE WASTED MOTION. This last one makes it real easy to mistake someone in a manic state for a crack fiend, though drugs don’t have shit to do with it. As for me I pace……. like a lot. 😀 Just one of those things that led to taking the name BIG CAT.

How emotion effects ones physiology. Okay for this I will take you step by step through the manic state I most commonly deal with. A thought that sparks anger either initiated in my brain, or triggered by the acts of another sets off the chain reaction of thoughts that generate ANGER. Now remember the key to the mood disorder, is the thoughts popping off in rapid fire succession and so when it comes to ANGER, I can go from 0 to 90 in a matter of seconds. All muscles get rigid and tighten up, or draw up more accurately. Think of how a dead spider draws up into a ball. The heart rate increases pumping the blood faster causing a rise in body temperature, the next thing that happens is you start to feel like you have fucking Pop Rocks going off all through your insides and the worst fucking part of it all. Your brain is still firing those thoughts BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM. They won’t stop, they won’t slow down, it causes frustration to add to the overall effect and it all happens so damn fast between the initial trigger and the point all of this takes place that it is damn near impossible to catch it before it goes. * NOTE: Some of the ways to catch it is to focus on a physical act, such as walking, the natural state of the body in motion can sometimes cancel out what your body is going through and can provide a distraction from those thoughts that are causing it. If you jam the tide and insert a good thought you can sometimes trick your brain into resetting itself before meltdown. 

What comes next is what I call the Bipolar hangover. Now instead of your brain firing off rapidly it locks up, by this time you have ran from ANGER, to DESPAIR and it’s like trying to start a car that’s been sitting in 3 degree weather. This is the down swing and it can be a motherfucker to fight your way back from. You can’t hold focus, you can’t get motivated, your ass tends to stay tired and unable to do much without forcing yourself. I think that while the manic state is caused by the racing thoughts the downswing is most likely caused by the burnout from the manic state. The down swing can last for days sometimes weeks making it a pain in the ass to get anything done.

PTSD: Now I want to take a minute and introduce you to what is most likely the primary reason that I have the HULK OUT type manic state more than the happy one. It is also why it is so easily triggered, most especially by things can be associated with what caused the PTSD in the first damn place. This too is a good source of panic attacks, Insomnia, My personal favorite NIGHTMARES, and a good dose of body shock which is like a type of numbness both emotional and physical, it’s like being here without being HERE. Another of my favorites JUMPINESS most especially at unexpected physical contact. * YES another one of those traits that led to taking the name BIG CAT. 

Over the course of the last year with going through divorce, homelessness, and a Felony case. I have had so many fucking triggers set off it wasn’t funny, and it damn near overwhelmed me more times than I can count. I have been without medication for well over a year now and somehow I STILL manage to function. Barring having to deal with idiots who have no clue why pissing me off is not a good idea. 😀 You’re going to trigger something inside of a motherfucker and then act like he’s the bad guy, rather than being reasonable or sensible in how you handle things, That’s all well and good, but don’t fucking cry when I lay into you. But that gets into a whole nother thing, that gets into how one MENTAL DISORDER can trigger or RELY on another to function.

I have a wall that I have to climb in order to accomplish anything, and that has been the main reason for my breaks in productivity as I attempt to write, and run two Face Book pages and two twitter accounts for both my writing and this blog respectively. Because as an independent writer PR falls to me as well.  Sometimes I falter. Sometimes I fall behind, BUT most importantly sometimes I actually get the shit done. If I have a message in this it is simply that.NO MATTER WHAT, YOU CAN COME OUT AHEAD. – Love BIG CAT

“By the time you hear this I will have already spiraled up, I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my world up. If I were you I would duck or get struck like lightning, Fighters keep fighting put your lighters up point em skyward, uh” – Eminem

There had been a strange sort of social gathering in front of the courthouse in Spencer the day of my trial, one that had lasted roughly five times as long as the trial itself, which was simply a matter of beginning the plea process. In honesty I thought it would have been harder than it was, while I still had a sickening knot in my stomach signing my name to the papers that would see me plea guilty to the misdemeanor charge that had been tacked on by the grand jury in exchange for the felony being dropped, that knot was still considerably more loose than the one I had walked into the courthouse with before I knew the prosecution was offering any kind of deal at all. Like I had said previously, I will take a loss in battle for the sake of staying in the war itself. There was zero chance of me getting out of anything had I fought the charges for multiple reasons, I had no one fighting that battle on my side really, I was an outsider in a town where my jury would be selected from people who had been hearing my name over the radio during each step of the process. There was simply no way to get out of this ordeal unscathed, luckily I had been spending the whole fucking year learning how to live with getting scathed so I was a little more prepared for damage control than I had been for the fight itself. That social gathering out front of the courthouse consisted of myself, NC and her son, my brother and oldest nephew, and I was surprised though more by his presence than by his being unfashionably late, my father, ( Though in his defense the whole damn thing was over in about ten minutes, and that included my meeting with the probation officer afterward to set an appointment for initial probation interview in case the judge went with it for sentencing. Spoiler alert, he did.)  It was celebration for a about an hour as everyone was introduced and was catching up on various things that had been going on in our lives. It was a gathering of FAMILY, REAL FAMILY both blood and non blood, I had felt better that day than I had in very long time the greatest weight I was lugging around for almost a year had finally been lifted. My brother pulled me aside and was going on and on about my run of Story Time that I had put up in six posts, about how it had spread like wild fire around his house everyone getting in on it waiting for each new part to the story, I decided then that I would go back to it, it actually did represent the first thing that I had actually written through to completion and it just felt like it was not over yet. Something in me was changing and I was starting to realize that just as I had set myself up for the fall, so too had been setting myself up for the comeback and now it was time to push on. We parted ways from the courthouse and upon returning to the farm I remember going upstairs to the studio above the garage I had spent the night before up there, catching up on Arrow because there was no way in Hell sleep was going to happen that night and thinking back almost a year before to the day I was arrested right outside the door on the porch. The worst was over now and I remember crashing on the bed, an actual bed, something I had not really had the luxury of for a long ass time and I got the best few hours of sleep I had, had in well over a year or since for that matter. I returned to the mountain that night an celebrate on that warm Summer evening looking up at the stars and laying out what my next move would be. Over the next couple weeks I would make a return to story time A seven part run this time that was a prequel of sorts to the first run. I would continue writing but more importantly I would spend my time setting things up.

 

September 1st

 

Alright all stragglers, you have one week to check out the first draft structure of story time, after that it gets removed from my wall so the real work can start on it. I’m actually gonna have time to do that, soon. Story time will however return soon, this time with a whole new story that will be completely seperate from these last two. I’m liking the per post structure. It is great for mapping out the whole story while leaving plenty of room for plot enhancement when it is time to get serious.

Thank you for the personal reviews, they have helped a lot, 😀 especially one that would compare the story to a national bestselling series…..That’s right I get the last laugh on that one after all. < I had a smart ass buddy make a joke about how they could tell I was Team Jacob because my character and base for BIG CAT turns into a giant black tiger. 😀 This post was in regards to the second story I did in seven parts, which told back story to the first story I did. As I have said these two stories became what I would build on for the upcoming full length novel “The Tale Of The Twin Flames”

 

September 2nd

 

Diary of a Vagabond King
THE EPILOGUE
Well, gave everyone an idea of where I am at on a rather spiritual level at this point, but that wasn’t the only tale that needed a happy ending, was it? First off, damn I couldn’t spread that stack well enough to catch it all on this phone. 😀 I know, I know, money isn’t everything, but like another great artist once said ” It’s not about money, it’s about sending a message.” and in this case that message is…. 😀 No one and I mean NO ONE tells a fucking TIGER what to do, or tells them what their value is for that matter…..unless, you know, they’re freakish German tiger whispering, illusionists, but even then, shit happens. I just met with a man earlier today, before the rain could postpone that meeting yet again and I will be starting a second job, and for awhile anyway my paydays double. I never really did get to check much on that other shit I did prior to finding my new spot and well, as you can see, now I don’t really need to, my front door still zips rather than locks, but that will soon change as well. Friday I go back to Spencer, one more time to find out what(SMACK) 😀 my slap on the wrist for what bullshit that managed to actually stick will be. This is the end of the vagabond king, because by the time I get the itch or the time to give you an update, I will no longer BE a vagabond. She was right, once I make it to the end of this road I will no longer have any reasons to doubt myself. There is still no going back for me though, the hard cold fact remains that for somethings there can be no redemption. LOL like a hobbit, I can go there and back again, but shit just won’t be the same. I don’t fancy the idea of hanging around an area with too many people that I will never be able to look at the same way after knowing how easily I can be discarded in the face of SIMPLY being an inconvenience to the shit they find soooo important. Just as I know, that they will never be able to look at me the same way again, not after finding out that, the quiet one, the tall, dark and brooding one, that shows a sweet side, even though he has to silently fight his inner demons, has a rather vile and soulless side and that side just won’t let them skate with the bullshit. Far better to just start over somewhere new when it’s all said and done. Let me just wrap this up by saying, I’m all good, I was always going to be, because I am far too fucking stubborn to be anything but, no matter what gets thrown at me. LOL in a few days time I will activate the magic card GRACEFUL CHARITY. That will begin the next phase beyond JUST surviving. Yes that was a metaphor. 😀 Till next time. 

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Comments:

TCH: Rest in peace to the Vagabond King. Happy he didn’t die, but Evolved. I know you would never choose to relive this chapter of your life but maybe it was essential to your “metamorphosis”. Blessings to you on your journey.

Shayne: Yeah God knows, I don’t think I can handle this shit AGAIN when I’m 55. 😀

CL: Lol I sure hope not little brother

 

September 4th

 

😀 The Device!!!! I now have a farrrr better tool than this DAMN PHONE, uuuggghhh, now if only I can remember how to use one of these fucking things. < It was time to invest in the future so I took part of that knot and got a lap top for ease of use, now I was about to get serious.

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I thought it might take me a couple more days than it did to become a little more batman like with the gadgets, first things first, i’m gonna make an ass out of myself (Heh, heh, I know nothing new right?) and assume everyone is caught up completely on story time. As in I’m pulling that shit, now that I actually can commit to the real work to be done to it. 😀 And yes, I am well aware of the grammar issues, it’s just on Face Book I don’t tend to give a fuck about such things, but hey at least I don’t falter when it comes to NOT using that damn text jargon like: sihdgeorhgweuh, You know what that means? Not a damn thing, just like the rest of that shit. LOL

 

September 6th

 

Holy Shit! I just converted both runs of story time into a Word document, it totaled 14,430 words and took up 19 pages and that was without proper spacing. I did that…..on a fucking phone.

 

September 7th

 

Fucking insomnia, oh well, with my first story tucked safely away on my lap top, ready for extensions and revisions, I think it’s time to roll some more dough while that bun is in the oven. 😀 Story Time is up next kids, with the opening chapter of an all new story. This ones different, first off it is total fabrication, you will find neither Natasha nor me in this tale, however think of it as being in the same universe. Remember when Natasha warned that she wasn’t all there was in the other realm? YESSSSS where before I gave you the heartfelt light of inspiration, I return now….to the dark side. In this story you will meet the polar opposite of the guardians and guides… the tricksters. 😀 Yes THIS is a horror story, one that shows us a small piece of what lurks in the dark corners of places better left to those with guidance.

 

September 8th

 

Finally got to take the weed eater to the hill. Oh picture two is reverse angle, I can’t remember if I ever showed you my humble abode, that red folding chair to the left 😀 that’s the throne of the king of the mountain, Big Cat. It is also my DJ booth for jukebox night my writing chair and my meditation chamber. That vehicle parked in the background, that’s my job and gas station shuttle.

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September 11th

 

I love my early morning visitors, though last night Pepe broke the line of the no skunk zone.

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September 12th

 

Another story now converted to Word and locked away. This one stood at 10 pages, 7333 words. That last one will see publication first as it is meant to be a short story. The first two runs as you know combine, but there is still a lot of information that needs filled in along with the revisions.

So, while I work on the revisions for the last story, We are going to switch gears here with story time. Your next story is a bit of fan fiction, in other words, just for shits and giggles and to keep my flow going while I get that last piece ready to make it’s acquaintance with a much larger audience. < That was my third short story in right at a month, and it was now ready to be edited, though I would find that there is a practice issue involved where formatting for e books were concerned. I would continue on my tear with a bit of fan fiction that I will not name at this time but I will make available when it is finished as it is that may be some time off considering I have a lot of other work to do.

 

September 15th

 

That was fucked up yo. Have you ever had a dream that you were in the middle of nowhere, dozing off in a car, when suddenly someone you can’t see starts knocking at the driver side window? Only to wake up in a vehicle, in the middle of nowhere, wondering if someone had creeped up here and was fucking with you. Damn, there went my one good hours sleep.

Comments:

NC: Yikes. Those dreams do rattle the brain. Jot it down for future use in your writing.

 

September 19th

 

Damn yo, this little gangster just parked right behind me, stuck his fuzzy head out the window and asked. “What da fuck are you gonna do about it?”

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September 22nd

 

😀  Big Cat approves of this message. LOL

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September 25th

 

Alright someone plant a boot firmly in my ass. Katy Perry was one thing, she’s cool, but when I’m taking on Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande JUST because Google Play is giving it away for free…….just fucking shoot me already. < By now you no doubt notice that this month had a completely different vibe to it. Fun at times, I was mainly busy as fuck with my writing. I had something to focus on again, and the tools needed to focus on it with no real distractions……yet the worst distraction would come later when a trusted member of the 37 went rogue on my ass, causing the beast to come forth again. Already tired and jaded but riding a serious vibe for my comeback, that was an interruption and loss that would damn near take me out, a fact that would make me far meaner than I had been with the previous batch. I still push on, that’s life, no matter how sick of it you get, some things are minor and forgivable, some things make you wish certain people would just fucking hang themselves by the cheap dog collars they wear because they would be doing the world a fucking favor if they did. You still can’t let anything stop you from moving forward, not when it’s the mission that matters most. For me there will be time enough to rest when I decide to finally enact the Ben Kenobi Initiative. 😀

 

September 28th

 

In about two days, I should/will be sharing something with you from the Amazon web store. That being my first published work. The Calibre program is thankfully really easy to use, except for a couple spots that, well lets face it, it doesn’t look like much but when it comes to formatting it’s the little things that look easy to fix that causes you to throw a fucking temper tantrum and rip your damn hair out. It’s nothing major and honestly my ebook STILL looks pretty damn awesome. in the Kindle format my little story that had fewer parts than either of the ones before it, is 45 pages long. I am right now installing the bad ass paint shop pro so that I can design a cover for it. Pretty sure I can finish that shit up tomorrow, normally it only takes a few hours, for the publication to hit the online stores, but it can take days, we’ll see, but that’s your update.  < Another issue I had was learning what I needed, how to use it and ofcourse much later how the fuck to find the time and all the best ways to promote your own shit.

 

September 30th

 

Awight, here’s the score. I just fought for hours with the fucking formatting only to realize the problem was so damn stupid it isn’t funny. It seems when you save your Word document as an HTML file, you really need to go to page layout and click on PAGE BREAK as this will insert the coding to break up the pages as they were in the original text document. Yeah no wonder I wanted to go fucking nuts over lines bleeding on to the following page. grin emoticon It’s fixed, it is uploaded into my Kindle Direct Publishing bookshelf, two things, tomorrow they will validate my tax information and then I can click publish, 12 hours after that it should be in Amazon stores……Winning!! LOL < One step closer to becoming published for the first time. I was actually quite excited despite being aggravated as all Hell at the hours of tweaking that I had to do. I understood that the first time was always going to be the hardest, learning what you need to, creating your system. It was all a challenge but a much welcome one compared to everything else I had faced at this point.

 

 

This is what my snazzy ass looking book cover I designed looks like.

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Comments:

DM: That’s your picture with face paint like The Crow, right? Bevel and emboss on Photoshop?

10689419_750093995056352_2797033730163851352_n < This was the picture that he was referring to.

Shayne: Damn you’re good son. There was a little more to it than that. I erased certain features like the eyes and mouth painted them in then used the warp brush to the brows and mouth to make the fangs. I think I might have used the (maybe pencil art effect, can’t remember my damn brain is fried from fighting with the format all day.) And that is 35 year old aged newspaper I used to get the coloring. I actually used Paintshop Pro X7, I have to check to see if I got the name right.

SH: Very cool!

DM: I’m a self taught professional. I can spot most Photoshop tools and vaguely know what the original was if I’d seen it before. Still a cool outcome though. I like it.

Shayne:  I was gonna get someone to do the art from fiver, but ran short on time because I wanted to get the damn thing published going into October, being a horror story and all. 😀 I just took what I had available and played with it. I’m hoping in the future to have better covers, I might even go back through at some point later on and change the cover to this one, when my other stuff in the series starts coming out, to make it all more uniform.

 

Such a small thing, though not when you consider everything that had to happen just to get me to that point where that small thing had gotten accomplished. In fact you might call it a crowning achievement and it wasn’t just the story, it was the entire change in persona that allowed me to go from being the person who could not even get one thing written through to it’s completion, but three in one month. I will close this entry out in the same fashion that I started it.

 

“Now you wonder why he does it, how he does it
Wasn’t cause he had buzzards circlin’ around his head
Waiting for him to drop dead, was it?
Or was it cause them bitches wrote him off
Little hussy ass, scuzzes, fuck it, guess it doesn’t matter now, does it
What difference it make?
What it take to get it through your thick skulls
That this ain’t some bullshit
People don’t usually come back this way
From a place that was dark as I was in
Just to get to this place
Now let these words be like a switch blade to a haters rib cage
And let it be known that from this day forward
I wanna just say thanks cause your hate is what gave me the strength
So let em bic’s raise cause I came with 5’9″ but I feel like I’m 6’8″! ” – Eminem