Ahh Summertime, June 2014. As you recall I ended May with a false account of relationship status just to get some sorry ass bitches off my back, I took me a trip to Parkersburg for a couple weeks to lay low while I waited for the next step in my legal proceedings. The previous two years had finally caught up with me as I sat, mainly in a daze, from everything I was facing. There was still no way out from under any of it in sight and I started realizing that it really did not matter. I counted the days until my next step in court and when that was finished, I made the choice to return to the streets, true square one. What happened next was brought on from a mixture of depression with the need to occupy my brain in some fashion to stay on track, disgust at the world I left behind when I realized how much of myself I wasted in it, revelation at the things and people I found in my strange new world and fuck it, lets call it, sheer boredom. And so we continue the tale as it carried me into a rather fateful Summer.
June 1st
You all know I was just kidding about selling my soul…right? You know I was JUST kidding about selling my soul to you..RIGHT? You pointy horned bastard.
grin emoticon I felt the need to clarify that, considering that the last 36 hours of my life could have come right out of a fucking movie. A face I’ve not seen in over 18 years, an exact opposite of my ex wife, in that I met her when she was a senior.
So much has changed for both of us in that time, I got crippled by life, she owns a business and her daughter who I only met once when she was a toddler just turned 21 and is going to school in Virginia….Damn, I just made myself feel fucking ancient again.
grin emoticon Lesson to everyone, sometimes that geek, the one your crazy ass meets by standing up to three steroid burdened assholes, might just come back to return the favor one day.
We have a lot of catching up to do, so you won’t be seeing my ass on here for a couple weeks. grin emoticon That’s a good thing, we’re heading to her house in the country side, see where this goes.
Wait….please God tell me it’s not a cabin. Ahhh FUCK!! You know I was just kidding about selling my soul…..RIGHT? Son of a bitch. grin emoticon
Comments
RN: Prayers can be answered in many ways Shayne Workman. Will continue to pray for your rising.
June 5th
I won’t say how close I am to the next phase of legal bullshit, but looking back I can honestly say, I am coping better now than I have so far. Maybe there will be light at the end of this abyse after all. At least this part of it, or maybe I’ve just become desensitized to life……Fuck it, if it works
Comments
RN: Brother, what did I tell you from the beginning? Oh ye of little faith!!!
Shayne: I know, I wasn’t ready for my inner stillness to look past the agrevation of the situation, the fact that I’ve had more help against me, rather than for me aided in that. I couldn’t open a fucking bank account without bullshit getting stirred, you’ve seen that.
It takes awhile, but I do come around, because despite what I still face, it’s still better than having the bulk of it all up in my face like I did in the early going.
It’s not important, what I’ve faced, what I still have to. What matters is, I’m STILL STANDING. What matters is after all this time, I’m finally losing all reason to doubt myself. < ( This was either bullshit designed to trick myself to keep dragging my ass forward or a beginning enough phase that it could be called the truth “From a certain point of view.” I still can’t really decide.)
RN: AHO! Brother you are finally seeing the truth. What you have been going through has been a learning lesson for you- in who you REALLY ARE – and who they really are. Know what I mean now? lol
June 6th
If there’s anyone I put in tight spot……sorry about that from a personal stand point, but technically it’s not like I didn’t get thrown under the bus myself, so we can all agree for the last time, tough shit. < ( This was in regards to the theater I use to volunteer for. You see, at that point I was pretty much tossed regardless of any personal effort made to help out, by their president, my ex wife. The next and most prominent example of how the more things change, the more they stayed the same. Not foolishly superstitious, even I had to admit with way things ran it was like there was a sickness that came with that position. Because I refused to be the dirty little secret swept under the rug at this point, I’m sure I added to the already tarnished reputation of the place. My take?………Well the post kind of speaks for itself.)
June 7th
Ugggh nice fucking beginning I’m already changing my mind worse than a woman.
Don’t worry brother, it takes a bit to get back into the swing of things. <( i thought about changing the look of my page up a bit, you know, a morale booster…….Well.)
Comments
JWH: You can do it !!!
Shayne: You can do it all night loooong!!!
JWH: Lol cut his fu…. head off
RN: Failing your way to success is the way mankind has done everything brother Shayne Workman lol- why should you be any different then the rest of us ? ROFL
Shayne: It was a decorating issue though….damn I had just changed my cover photo 3 times when I caught myself. How mundane is that shit?
RN: OMG!!! You definitely need more woodland time- or at least in the outdoors!!! Keep it up and you’ll be afraid of rooms with mirrors and bright lights !!! ROFL
One week later. My souvenir from my time in the wilds looks like I should have done more passes with the ember on the vertical line.
Lets get cultural for a moment. Every warrior has a diety,this one is mine, she also happens to be my Egyptian astrological symbol and the inspiration for my email keeperofthefates, as one of her main tasks as a warrior goddess was to protect the tablets of fate. Terrifying in one aspect, but nurturing in another she was a patron symbol for physicians with the capacity to heal as much as tear you a new asshole. She defended Ma’at the goddess of justice, fiercely loyal to her own, she detests all evil. Her name is used in many spells of both creation and destruction in the Egyptian book of the dead. She is Sekhmet warrior goddess with the head of the lioness. <(And I say again. What? You don’t think I’m called BIG CAT for no reason, do you? 😀 )
June 8th
DAAAAAAYSSS, every hour on the hour, I have to hear cheap clock version gospel music……Do you think now is good time to mention that I can only handle Amazing Grace when it’s played on the bagpipes?
Alright so I can cope with the legal shit, still have 2 problems and one of those is new. grin emoticon Still have a big issue with that part in the planning process when you have a course of action set but you still have to sit on your hands for timings sake. The new problem I discovered a few days ago, when I realized my time in the outside world has caused a bit of claustrophobia when I’m indoors.
grin emoticon On a brighter note, it’s proof that I’m alive again, the last time I had this issue I was also working two jobs and pulling in good money. That other one I’m just gonna have to push through.
The plan is still the same, only now there is one difference, that being that I will return after someone else’s shit finally blows up in their face, or more people become sensible, I learned my lesson this time, that there is no point for me to be here, without that, or unless I can buy my way back, which ever happens first.
Sentimental moment. Some of you might remember seeing this item in a few pictures over the span of months since I have been on my own.
This is what I have come to call, The First Possession because essentially that is exactly what it was.
It was Valentines Day, my ass got booted out the door with the clothes I was wearing and 32 dollars. I’m trying to think, you know. What the fuck do I do now, I didn’t even have any numbers to reach anyone. But I knew where one lived, it was a gamble, would he be there, fortunately he was, I caught him getting ready to head out. I asked if I could get online real quick because my sister had sent me a message a while back that had my brothers number.
Try to be as unobtrusive as possible, especially when you’re needy. grin emoticon I got my number signed out and was ready to leave, when the the man handed me this little rare golden figure, because as a fan of a little sarcastic shit in red and blue tights, he knew I would appreciate it.
And so this little golden thing became my First Possession after the fall. It has been literally everywhere I have been everyday since. Last week was the only time in that whole time that I even briefly entertained the thought of checking its value as I passed gaming and toy shops, never did it, couldn’t do it. So I sat in an underpass playing Captain Caveman with a piece of slate a rock and a found can of Wolf chilli. (I have a whole new appreciation for pull tab cans believe me.)
Some might think, that was dumb, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna lose even one more thing over this bullshit, I will fucking die first.
The point is, I still have it, as I look to better things, better moments on this path of recovery and it will be there for that too. So you were right LH and it is still in good hands. Thank you for rallying point. < (Have since used that fucker for kindling, but I’ll get to that too eventually.)
I’m pretty sure God Himself would be fucking insulted by the sound of that clock. I swear it deserves the Thor like hammer treatment. Me thinks it’s about to….lose a battery. grin emoticon Heh heh yeah I’m a bastard….sometimes
June 9th
Oh nooooo, they found symbols on the floor under the bed. (Sigh) I remember when these paranormal shows were actually worth a damn, but nooo ever since it became coool with the influx of bullshit investigator reality shows every shit hill with a phone cam is out there right now playing Ghost Facers. < ( Television just isn’t what it use to be. 😀 )
June 10th
I just saw a commercial for Summers Eve that reminded me of when I was 8 years old and accidentally used it as shampoo….it could be tough sometimes growing up a boy living with their mom and older sister < (But sometimes television can still remind you of how things use to be…..:D Fuck you in advance for laughing. shakes head )
Never fear the dark, or what’s in it. Fear what isn’t in it…that’s the emptiness that can swallow you.
June 11th
“I need a holiday, a very long holiday and I don’t expect I shall return, in fact I mean not to.” -Bilbo “The Fellowship of The Ring”
I went on another long walk, while there was much humor and semi rest in that time I spent where no one knew me. I was still restless and stirring and not sure what the fuck to even do with myself. It was all still too much at the time and it needed processed. I would not post again for three days. Only after my court date where upon return I was dropped off in the rain with all of my belongings to walk a soggy path to an old underpass that was part of the main highway until the interstate was built above it. Waiting out the rain I walked on until I found a patch of asphalt to call bed and I would lay that night looking into the light of the full moon, contemplating my next move. That was June 13th.
June 14th
And to think, this used to be a highway, before the world moved on. The word ruins comes to mind.
It was the beginning, no matter how much it felt like an end. It would encompass a battle with the vain and shallow of my former world, at least one I think has resurfaced both as my troll and a bitch that connected to me just last week on Face Book, more cowardly acts since I bitch slapped them good and proper even before my come back. Some people just don’t want this story told even though, no one the world over will ever really know who these people are, which would prove a later point I would make. It’s not about what others find out, it’s all about what you already know deep down and can’t face that eats you, that’s why some who I honestly forgot about once I kicked them to the curb thought they could come back with any more success than they had the first time I put them in their place. 😀 You might not believe I deserve my rise from the pit, but there still is not a damn thing you can do about it but be a minor annoyance at best. Good luck with that. – Love BIG CAT
Loading ...