Honesty

All posts tagged Honesty

1572428-sith_symbol

“You did the right thing. He was too dangerous to be left alive.” – Chancellor Palpatine

It’s not very often that we will delve into the original source of The Sith philosophy, but we will from time to time as it is after all what the philosophy of The Real Sith is based on. We will start with the tragedy of the most famous of the fictional Sith, Darth Vader. Because the story of Star Wars is the typical good versus evil tale, it is portrayed that Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader out of a lack of control over his emotions, but while this may have in fact led to his mistake that turned him into more machine than man, is it really fair to say it was what led him to become Darth Vader in the first place? He was a man who had a need, a need that he found a possible solution to, but under the stiff and rigid code of the Jedi he was forbidden to know if indeed the dark side could provide him with the tool necessary to fulfill that need. This was the inner emotional conflict the character was faced with. Possibility versus what his teachings had filled his head with. Now we see that Anakin may have rationalized his actions, but in truth, he never needed to. There was logic behind what drove that conflict within him. It was this LOGIC that turned him to the dark side. This is made evident by the fact that the final words that pushed him to make his decision were not spoken by the Sith master Darth Sidious, but by one of the senior members of the Jedi council Mace Windu who was poised to strike the Sith Lord down. “He controls the courts and the senate. He’s too dangerous to be left alive.”

Put yourself in the position of Anakin Skywalker for a moment. “I see through the lies of The Jedi.” Weren’t they liars? Really? They blamed The Sith and the Dark Side for diminishing their ability to use the Force, but it was The Jedi, not the Sith who made the CHOICE to become servants to a corrupt government above even the Force itself. They weakened themselves and passed the accountability for that to an enemy. They dogged a boy who was born into slavery to fit their idea of righteousness when they became hypocrites to their own code of ethics themselves. In accordance with the Jedi way, Anakin was right, it did not matter how dangerous Darth Sidious was. He was unarmed, in a position to be taken into custody and stand trial, but the very Jedi who gave Anakin the most shit for not being trustworthy to follow the Jedi path went and said the same words that the very Sith he was prepared to kill had said about his apprentice Dooku in the beginning. Anakin was right…….in accordance with the way of The Jedi. Mace Windu was right in accordance to the reality of the situation…….That however was proof that the Sith ways were more HONEST, LOGICAL and REALITY BASED, than that of the Jedi and it was this FACT that made Anakin turn. Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you make the same CHOICE in the moment your ONLY OPPOSITION to believing in a path that might provide you with a means to meet a need gets proven FALSE?

It is the same with the philosophy of The Real Sith. I grew up with my uncle being a minister, I was always told about the glory of God, to never question, to be “God fearing” a term I always wondered about because I could never understand how or why one should fear a being they will tell you has “unconditional love” for you. The family that prays together stays together. As a child one has limited control over anything that happens in their environment, so a child would turn to God, because God is the one who is always on their side, the protector, the one who gives you strength. And so it was that my child’s prayer for the fighting in my house, among my family to stop, was answered………..The night I watched my mother die unexpectedly. If you read my account of events that transpired last year you’ll see that even then, I still had this need to believe that what made no sense to me had any real reason. This need in darkest times to believe in what was “meant” to be. TRUTH all this belief gets you in this world, is hit and hit repeatedly. I know better now. I see the HONESTY in the Principles of Natural Order. NOTHING IS MEANT TO BE, THAT WE DON’T MAKE HAPPEN FOR OURSELVES. What happened the night I walked over 23 miles to collapse in front of the hospital where I found I had been suffering from pneumonia for weeks that I never knew I had, was a miracle, but God did not save my life that night…….I did, I did through the action I took that led me to that hospital that night. We gain nothing we do not take for ourselves. In my effort to confront my place where NATURAL SELECTION was concerned after 35 years of being a failure that left me with NOTHING, I saved myself and found a strength in me that I was unaware of.

TRUTH there is NOTHING out there looking out for us, SHIT HAPPENS. At best there is energy, and it is up  to us to figure out how to harness that energy to make SHIT HAPPEN for us rather than to us. Many don’t want to hear that, Hell even Atheists seem to have a hard time accepting that Natural Order supersedes MORAL showing that religion is only a symptom of the REAL ISSUE that holds us back. They are quick to point out how many people die in the name of God, when God is often just a cop out, many have died not for God but for the greed and false sense of power of material gains and having weak followers suck up to us for what we have, not what we are. And SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING have designed the most efficient means to take those lives for this purpose, but GOD is the problem…..Right? Many non believers prove just as lost in the scramble that takes place between the simplicity of our animalistic instincts and the complexity of our high intelligence as any pious religious follower. We still pass the buck of the blame, just like the thousands of self righteous people camped out in Central Park trying desperately to convince the world and anyone who will listen that a mere one percent was more responsible for a laundry list of corrupt acts that hurt the many than the apathy, contentment, and patriotism of the ninety-nine percent who CHOSE not to view corruption as something worth standing against until it became that laundry list the whiny little bitches wanted to cry about. With that I will leave you with another of The Real Sith Proverbs.

” The Real Sith knows that HONESTY is the best policy, and HONESTY is as present in The Dark Side as it is in Light, in some cases even more so.” – Darth Venomous

As I have told you all already my ordeal is not entirely over yet, it’s getting there, but until it does I find myself constantly having to stop and “rethink my life” so to speak. You have been reading from my solution to that for the most part. You write it in the moment, LET those unbridled emotions flow, they are raw, but they are also honest. Looking back from a different mood allows you to look at yourself a little more clearly, you see how you felt at the time, what was causing you to feel that way and as I state in the body of this post, having it somewhere other than festering in your head allows to further separate yourself from the emotional response  and let’s you view yourself in a far more objective fashion. At least that works for me. SPOILER ALERT there be present day happenings in this here post. 😀 I have, with the permission of my probation officer been allowed to leave the glorious state of West Virginia on a 30 day work pass. I am currently in the state of Louisiana where I am staying with my sister, her husband and my little nephew. I won’t be on my own for this upcoming holiday. I have been fighting with myself a lot lately in trying to deal with circumstances that are still in flux. Years back I was diagnosed with Bi- Polar disorder and PTSD. I have been off my medication now for almost a year. Considering my ability to survive and the strides I have taken in trying to get ahead against extreme odds and likelihood of failure, I think it’s safe to say that I DON’T NEED YOUR GODDAMN PHARMACEUTICALS. In truth all I really needed was my divorce . Now this does not mean that my issues have just magically went away, they haven’t, they are still very present and nothing has made that more clear to me than my reactions of late, between dealing with being on probation for  crime I never believed in, I am not quite as familiar with the people I am staying with as I came to be the ones I had previously been with for most of the Summer. There is still an awkwardness to being helped by a stranger. ( Yes, that is pride fucking with me, but that isn’t all. Despite my rather loud ass online persona, in person I am far more laid back, quiet and reserved, don’t get me wrong I will call bullshit to your face just as quick as I do here, I tend to make my point short sweet and potent in person rather than go on the same kind of tirade that I do here. This in part is due to the fact that, I am not as strong in verbal skill as I am in writing. My hand can keep up with this brain of mine a lot easier than my mouth seems capable.) The point here is step back, KNOW YOUR PROBLEMS and be honest about the ones that originate from yourself. No one is without fault, pinpoint yours, so you have a real grasp on what to do about it. I have sought more stable ground away from my BITCH of an ex wife who still can’t grasp that she isn’t worth my time to “GO AFTER” I guess is what she thinks, either that, or that’s just the bullshit excuse she feeds herself as much as everyone else to justify her own overbearing, petty, vindictiveness. I lean more towards the latter. (Heh, Heh Epic Fail on that last attempt, when the judge slapped her ass down, but that still doesn’t change the fact that it was my 11th time in a courtroom this year over her shit.) 😀 Yeah TRUTH HURTS and there in lies the fact that makes this task of “rethinking your life” that much harder, unless you’re me, cause I don’t give a fuck, I’m as mean to me as I am to assholes and dumb asses.

 

November 12th 2014

Well, here we are learning that every new step taken brings forth a need to reevaluate yourself, for multiple reasons. For instance I come back to civilization after being on the lonely mountain for months, I am there only two weeks before going to another place that is far from civilization, a new job that has me confronting my preexisting problem with crowds. The lack of stability in my ever shifting environment coupled with the above factors have brought into sharp focus the effect my forced isolation has had on me overall. Again I state the value of having my history to look at, when it is written, it exists somewhere other than your brain, changing the format to something a little easier to disassociate yourself from, while this sounds bad it really only would be if ignored, not when it use this ability to disassociate to look objectively at yourself. FACT: I was diagnosed with Bi Polar and PTSD FACT: I have sworn off medications in the knowledge that more often then not they have scrambled my fucking brain more than they have helped and again ENVIRONMENT COUNTS FOR A LOT I do believe in the triggering of the side effects of these meds. FACT: I have, in a short time period been SLAMMED with multiple forms of HIGH EFFECT TRAUMA. Let’s do the list A.) Divorce B.) Felony case C.) Homelessness D.) Loss in multiple forms. FACT: When one chooses the path of SELF TREATMENT, Maintenance is a must, not only in terms of working backwards from the source of the TRAUMA, but in focusing on it’s continued effects in the present.

It was no coincidence, that I chose to come here. I have taken a new step with probation, with my ever shifting lack of stability in not having a homestead that I can call mine, while trying to keep a handle on the progress made so far. Here I am WITH FAMILY, Here I am away from the source of trouble, Here where I am near the core of Team BIG CAT, I can refocus on business at hand rather than going through the motions and letting the fire that started my drive to ebb in the distraction brought on by solitude. How can solitude cause distraction? Don’t most people use it to get away from distraction? FACT: It only eliminates OUTSIDE DISTRACTIONS. People with my particular issues have a whole other beast to contend with when it comes to INNER DISTRACTIONS, especially those that occur due to a mind that can not seem to ever SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! And mine NEVER WANTS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m calling this time period 30 days of medicine. After the last time I evaluated myself and took stock of what I had, where I stood, what I had done to regain a sense of self, I became a published writer with well over a grand saved up, and was looking to move ahead. Something changed and now I have to take ANOTHER STEP BACK in order to regain the footing i struggled to get from over the Summer. Told you, I give myself the same shit, I give everyone else, If I didn’t I would be a fake ass hypocrite, and THAT Ladies and Gentlemen, simply will not do, not when it compromises MY CODE. – Love BIG CAT

Comments

NC: You can do it, Big Cat. Focus on the work ahead and establishing a true home base. < ( Yeah, I STILL have MY people. 😀 )