Star Wars

All posts tagged Star Wars

I was born on December 5th 1978, The only way I got to see the first Star Wars movie in theaters was when they re-released it. My sister was eight years older than me and a full on geek herself, because of this I consider myself one who was literally born a Star Wars fan by default, because it has been with me, my whole life and was the backbone of many of my happier childhood moments. From sitting through commercials happily when the first film made it’s network television debut, and of course what I was waiting for was the light saber fight between Vader and old Ben. Those were always my favorite parts. I remember  being two years old in the car at the drive in theater for “The Empire Strikes Back” and just picking up images here and there between naps, a star destroyer here, a little green dude waving his hand around and lifting a ship out of a swamp, Chewbacca doing his pissed off Wookie thing at a bunch of weird little pig aliens, but I remember my sister sitting there in the back seat with one of those clunky ass old tape recorders held up to one of those clunky ass old speakers that you hooked to your car window and she recorded the audio of the movie almost entirely, back then you had Beta IF you were lucky and back then you had to wait a year or more before anything would even come out on video, not like today where a movie comes out and three or four months later you have blu ray and week before that you have the digital copy that you can get. Hell these days you can take your phone into a movie theater and secretly record the whole damn thing and then boot leg it. It’s safe to say that technology has allowed such things to gravitate into the realm of thievery, but back then was a different time and I remember  me, my mom and my sister listening to those tapes like old time radio. It never stopped being a part of my life, my world, from watching the first film years later as the very first thing aired on The SciFi channel, taking me back to the days that it made it’s original network debut. to reading the books for hours.

Whenever you hear about the death of someone famous, whose work you know and like there is always that “Damn, that sucks” moment, but when that person was a part of something that has been a part of your ENTIRE life, and it brings back the memories of that simpler time and you can not even imagine what your life would have been like without it, that is a death that can hit you pretty damn hard and you become one of those who literally have an emotional moment.  I get it.  That was someone you never met, being a character who isn’t real, but that time at the drive in, those arguments about “You ate the head off of my action figure, do you know what thing is worth now?” “You let a three and a half inch doll get into the hands of a toddler, what the Hell did you think would happen?” Sitting around a tape recorder and listening to a grainy audio track of a beloved film. Those moments are real moments in our lives that these people unwittingly have been a part of. I am usually the “Damn that sucks” kind of guy. Usually, but this one actually hurt.

There really is nothing else to say, The things she did for people fighting a mental disorder that I know all too well, the take no bullshit from anyone or anything attitude, the humor in the face of it all speaks for itself of a simple truth. Some people pretend to be heroes, some people actually are and all I witnessed over the years suggested that Carrie Fisher was NEVER Princess Leia, It was the other way around. And that is why she is the only Disney Princess that ever mattered in my eyes.

02

SIMPLE, TIMELESS, ELEGANT, FOREVER

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

STAR WARS

EPISODE I-VII

A TRUTH REVEALED

For over thirty years both fans and the people of the old Republic and Galactic Empire were tricked by a conspiracy that originated in the halls of the Jedi temple and would go on to have massive impact on both the galaxy and geeks of Hollywood alike. In 1977 we were introduced to a world of strange lazer sword wielding monk, knights that could make shit float called Jedi, and Sasquatch smuggler buddies, we were told of a story that involved twin siblings, evil cyborg parents and a clear cut definition of the difference between Light and Dark.

Now nearly forty years, multiple failed tinkerings with that original story, three prequels that whiny little bitches who can’t grasp that THEIR childhood has been over, or that the simple story, simpler writing, grossly overacted series IN IT’S ENTIRETY was simply meant to be fun and NOT WIN MAJOR AWARDS in any of the categories they like to piss about and a Disney take over that is now continuing the prospect of mere flashy effects driven eye candy later, a new theory comes to light that will shatter the ideology of geeks the world over.

Are you ready for it? It’s not much of a shock really. The Sith were right, they were always right. The Jedi are the evil ones. Here is my theory that proves it. We were all shocked when Darth Vader confessed to being the father of Luke Skywalker, many could not believe it, but I believe this is because deep down we always knew it was bullshit.

In Episode I, we see Anakin meet the mother of the twins from the original trilogy. However I would like to note that Obi Wan Kenobi also meets this girl actually right before Anakin. Nothing happens in Phantom Menace, but we go on to Episode II, Where the Chancellor convinces Padme to accept additional security in the form of “an old friend” Like master Kenobi. Obi Wan, sensing his padawans strong feelings for the senator tries to convince him that as a politician, she can’t be trusted and you know bitches in general tend to be rather treacherous. Anakin fails to listen. Now here is where the Jedi conspiracy comes into play. Yoda and Obi Wan concoct a scheme to teach Anakin not only to accept loss, but finally understand that the woman he loves is a piece of shit that will twist him deadly. Anakin’s early warning system however uncovered the plot. Obi Wan was present in his prophetic dream of the birth of the twins, for some undisclosed reason, Obi Wan shows up at Padme’s flat right before he takes off to hunt Grievous, when Anakin is not there. While it appears that Anakin turns when the words of Mace Windu prove the Jedi no better than the Sith, it was actually the betrayal of his master and wife through their illicit affair that really created Darth Vader. Note the reaction he has to Padme bringing up Obi Wan on Mustafar at the end of Episode III.

In reality the father of the twins was NOT Anakin Skywalker, but in fact his mentor Obi Wan Kenobi. He gave up the girl to be raised a politician, because they HAD to be separated and bitches can’t be trusted anyway, he took his son and “watched over him” until he got bored with life as a farmer and came looking for dad. He was led to believe Vader killed his father in order to hide the betrayal Obi Wan himself committed and to duck paying all those years of back child support. Vader interested only in “taking” something from Obi Wan, lied to Luke to try to get him to come be his apprentice. Yoda fearing Luke would side with Vader if he ever learned of the Jedi conspiracy went along with the lie. Sound far fetched? Well I’ve already pointed out how the vagueness of the whole plot supports the theory, now let me show you why the people who casts these damn things should be more careful. 😀 All the proof I need in the photo comparisons below there is.

The Youngest incarnation of Obi Wan Kenobi as a Jedi Padawan

The Youngest incarnation of Obi Wan Kenobi as a Jedi Padawan

Luke Skywalker, Dumb ass Farm boy.

Luke Skywalker, Dumb ass Farm boy.

Anakin Skywalker Jedi Padawan and "father"?

Anakin Skywalker Jedi Padawan and “father”?

 

Looking at the comparison above you tell me who the real father is. Still not convinced? Try this one of later age value.

 

Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi Knight.

Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi Knight.

Luke Skywalker Jedi Knight.

Luke Skywalker Jedi Knight.

Anakin Skywalker Jedi Knight and "Father"?

Anakin Skywalker Jedi Knight and “Father”?

 

And if you STILL have trouble wrapping your head around this idea, try this.

 

Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi Master

Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi Master

Ben Obi Wan Kenobi, Hermit, Jedi Master in Exile.

Ben Obi Wan Kenobi, Hermit, Jedi Master in Exile.

Luke Skywalker Hermit?Jedi Master in exile? Plot details still fuzzy.

Luke Skywalker Hermit?Jedi Master in exile? Plot details still fuzzy.

The ORIGINAL incarnation of the adult Anakin Skywalker without physical damage. Jedi Spirit and "Father"? Riiiiiight. :D

The ORIGINAL incarnation of the adult Anakin Skywalker without physical damage. Jedi Spirit and “Father”? Riiiiiight. 😀

 

😀 Thought I would take a break to show you, that I too have a fucked up sense of humor when it comes to the things I geek on. Hope you got a kick out of it. I know I have.