suicide

All posts tagged suicide

One more before we get back to the narrative. This was pulled from BIG CATS page and was used to preview this blog to the fans of my other writing. The basic principle here is, When shit hits you that makes no sense, make it make sense by using it.

 

Do you ever wonder what makes people feel alone? In my experience it’s fear of being judged, we have this inane idea in our heads that it is some kind of MORTAL SIN to admit when you miss a step, you know, call yourself by the title human. OOOOOO Scary ain’t it? We try so hard to hide that shit when there isn’t any way, we’re really just fooling ourselves and all out of worry of what others might think. If we ever pulled our heads out of our asses long enough to stop running around like fucking chickens with their heads cut off, we might actually see that we are ALL running around like fucking chickens with our heads cut off. As it stands we can say EVERYONE has their issues, that you are not the only one dealing with fallout from a fuck up you made. But we don’t hold it in our hearts do we? Very few take the risk that would make them something the average fucking person could relate to because no one wants that target on their back. As such we find ourselves shocked when that person who smiles at us and laughs at our jokes to our faces, goes behind a locked door and puts a shotgun in their mouths, because, we never saw it coming. Last year I made a choice, however unpopular it may have been. I got sick of being in the dark corner I ALLOWED myself to be kept in (and by my own choice as well not just my ex wife’s doing.) I said fuck it and jumped in about the biggest fucking bonfire I could find. (Because I’m me, I can’t do any fucking thing the easy way.) I told you that you were going to hate me or you were going to love me, but there was not going to be ANOTHER in my life who could say they did not KNOW me. I’m a man of my word. I have since OPENLY talked about legal issues, divorce, you got the blow by blow of my long walk that landed me in the hospital, you got my reflections on everything from psych meds, to love, to family, what I care about and stand for, what pisses me off to no end, what I geek on, when I fuck up majorly and in goofy ass ways, Hell I even turned my homeless stint into a fucking Mr. Rogers educational field trip just to show you what the other side lives like. For that choice I made, I have taken shit from family, friends, care bears who can’t grasp that light without dark is JUST as blinding as PITCH BLACK, assholes who wanted an excuse to hate me so they could go on believing they weren’t pieces of shit for turning away. For all intents and purposes I have offered my life in Truman Show fashion, because despite what some may think is negative about the choice I made, there might be a few out there reading this who actually feel better about someone being willing to open up enough to that degree, that they really do get that they are not the only ones suffering through day to day life, or have sadness or anger issues while dealing with it. People need people they can honestly relate to and it does work best when it is someone they know, someone they know they can turn to, so they don’t have to feel alone. It isn’t nor should it be taboo to want to be there for the people who need to know that it is ALRIGHT to be human.