All posts tagged Understanding

“Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.” – Yoda

I mentioned in the previous entry that the concept of THE FORCE is too grande in scale for someone at a Sith level of understanding. I will repeat, that it was never meant to be a complete idea in itself. In reading The Book of the Sith, one must understand that the philosophy I built around it’s ideals was an evolution of one’s mind set after crashing to the bottom. It was only the start of ones journey, so to judge it in the idea that it is complete, is the equivalent of saying that a house, that is only framed is a piece of shit that can not protect you from the elements. Of course it can’t, it is not the finished product. Some understood what it was, some are trying to and that is good, for even if they do not understand it for what it is, they are thinking about it and forming their own arguments. What they come up with will help some from ever reaching the point where the Sith philosophy is needed.  Why their idea’s would not help one who identifies most with the Sith is because what leads them to the dark side in the first place, are the type of experiences that breaks a persons faith, a persons spirit, a persons mind. No one who has not faced these things, and we must take into consideration that what has deep impact on one person’s life, may not have the same impact on another’s, can understand the path such a person walks. When we do not understand, we can not be what such a person can relate to. They may well come to understand what you say and how you feel, but life has placed before them a different route by which to get there. How can I believe in in God, when I can not even believe in myself? And so the Sith philosophy is meant to rebuild that belief in self first. Many would disagree with this, but I ask this. What is a lack of belief in oneself, but the distrust in the idea that there was a reason for our own existence? It was never meant to be the end, only the means by which we take our first steps towards the end goal.

To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, every action, begins first as a thought and to every thought, there is a physical reaction made to manifest that thought into being, not just in terms of saying I am going for a walk and then getting off your ass to go take that walk, but also in terms of how we manifest our personalities to the world around us. What we put into our lives, our efforts, our beliefs, we get back in kind and so KARMA, the law of spirit, or the intangible, non physical, or mental factors  completes the circle. Three ideas, all essentially saying the same thing that encompasses all three aspects of being, BODY, MIND, and SPIRIT. To me this is LOGICAL, BELIEVABLE as a UNIVERSAL TRUTH because it does in fact cover every aspect of being.

Let’s examine the concept of KARMA for just a moment though. I find, that even though it is spiritual in nature it is also logical. I can not begin to tell you how many people I have known, think of it only in terms of punishment for evil deeds, or a sort of spiritual justice system. A practice, I have noticed of those who project their sense of MORALITY on the world around them. I find, that it is simply a matter, not of morality, but of common sense, or PRINCIPLE. Take more than you give, and you will grow, but you will do so in the diminishing of others, as we diminish, NEED without GAIN creates DESPERATION that when combined with our natural instincts to survive forces the desperate to become a threat to the ones they resent for taking so much at their expense. You can be GREEDY and you can live a very fat life in that GREED, but you will make many enemies in the process and you will have weakened yourself in the process as well, because only a fool swings a sledge hammer at the knees of the people whose shoulders they are standing on.

I find that just as we are made up of three aspects, BODY, MIND and SPIRIT, life too is made up of three aspects. INNER SELF, OUTER WORLD and GOD or THE FORCE, or take your pick from one of any number of names given to the highest level of existence. That being we were never supposed to question. Religion is dangerous. because just as God supposedly made us in his image, we often make God in our own. It has always been my belief, that a good teacher appreciates a willing to understand from their students and a good father figure relates enough to the his children to get those lessons across to them in the way each can best understand. Religion is often far too rigid in it’s teachings to provide either. God is right, because NO ONE EVER WANTS TO BE WRONG. What if God really wasn’t all knowing? Would that comfort you, or scare the shit out of you? What if God was like Captain Jack Sparrow and it really is not a matter of having a master plan so much as having the ingenuity to pull from the choices we make and the elements of a situation to make a best case scenario? If that were true then it would explain why we have FREE WILL, but it would also show the importance of trusting ourselves before trusting in God. Simply put: If there is a master plan, the only way to see it come to fruition is to trust our instincts and all that was already given us by nature from birth. We shut off others who do not believe as we do, but what if the very reason we were separated and placed all over the world with different skin tones, and cultural beliefs was so that the open minded seekers of the truth could find the various puzzle pieces of the great mystery in each one, so as to finally put it all together? Would that scare you, or make you understand the path of true progression for all of humanity?

THE FORCE, or The TAO is EVERYTHING. E= MC squared which states that even all physical forms are made of energy. And so we make it up, are a part of it, as is everything. Call it God and we find that we are as much a part of Him as He is of us. Does that idea comfort you, or does it scare the shit out of you, this idea that God relies as much on that which He created as all he created relies on Him. Does it show you the importance of trusting your instincts and the STRENGTH you already have inside of you? BALANCE is KEY.


“You did the right thing. He was too dangerous to be left alive.” – Chancellor Palpatine

It’s not very often that we will delve into the original source of The Sith philosophy, but we will from time to time as it is after all what the philosophy of The Real Sith is based on. We will start with the tragedy of the most famous of the fictional Sith, Darth Vader. Because the story of Star Wars is the typical good versus evil tale, it is portrayed that Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader out of a lack of control over his emotions, but while this may have in fact led to his mistake that turned him into more machine than man, is it really fair to say it was what led him to become Darth Vader in the first place? He was a man who had a need, a need that he found a possible solution to, but under the stiff and rigid code of the Jedi he was forbidden to know if indeed the dark side could provide him with the tool necessary to fulfill that need. This was the inner emotional conflict the character was faced with. Possibility versus what his teachings had filled his head with. Now we see that Anakin may have rationalized his actions, but in truth, he never needed to. There was logic behind what drove that conflict within him. It was this LOGIC that turned him to the dark side. This is made evident by the fact that the final words that pushed him to make his decision were not spoken by the Sith master Darth Sidious, but by one of the senior members of the Jedi council Mace Windu who was poised to strike the Sith Lord down. “He controls the courts and the senate. He’s too dangerous to be left alive.”

Put yourself in the position of Anakin Skywalker for a moment. “I see through the lies of The Jedi.” Weren’t they liars? Really? They blamed The Sith and the Dark Side for diminishing their ability to use the Force, but it was The Jedi, not the Sith who made the CHOICE to become servants to a corrupt government above even the Force itself. They weakened themselves and passed the accountability for that to an enemy. They dogged a boy who was born into slavery to fit their idea of righteousness when they became hypocrites to their own code of ethics themselves. In accordance with the Jedi way, Anakin was right, it did not matter how dangerous Darth Sidious was. He was unarmed, in a position to be taken into custody and stand trial, but the very Jedi who gave Anakin the most shit for not being trustworthy to follow the Jedi path went and said the same words that the very Sith he was prepared to kill had said about his apprentice Dooku in the beginning. Anakin was right…….in accordance with the way of The Jedi. Mace Windu was right in accordance to the reality of the situation…….That however was proof that the Sith ways were more HONEST, LOGICAL and REALITY BASED, than that of the Jedi and it was this FACT that made Anakin turn. Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you make the same CHOICE in the moment your ONLY OPPOSITION to believing in a path that might provide you with a means to meet a need gets proven FALSE?

It is the same with the philosophy of The Real Sith. I grew up with my uncle being a minister, I was always told about the glory of God, to never question, to be “God fearing” a term I always wondered about because I could never understand how or why one should fear a being they will tell you has “unconditional love” for you. The family that prays together stays together. As a child one has limited control over anything that happens in their environment, so a child would turn to God, because God is the one who is always on their side, the protector, the one who gives you strength. And so it was that my child’s prayer for the fighting in my house, among my family to stop, was answered………..The night I watched my mother die unexpectedly. If you read my account of events that transpired last year you’ll see that even then, I still had this need to believe that what made no sense to me had any real reason. This need in darkest times to believe in what was “meant” to be. TRUTH all this belief gets you in this world, is hit and hit repeatedly. I know better now. I see the HONESTY in the Principles of Natural Order. NOTHING IS MEANT TO BE, THAT WE DON’T MAKE HAPPEN FOR OURSELVES. What happened the night I walked over 23 miles to collapse in front of the hospital where I found I had been suffering from pneumonia for weeks that I never knew I had, was a miracle, but God did not save my life that night…….I did, I did through the action I took that led me to that hospital that night. We gain nothing we do not take for ourselves. In my effort to confront my place where NATURAL SELECTION was concerned after 35 years of being a failure that left me with NOTHING, I saved myself and found a strength in me that I was unaware of.

TRUTH there is NOTHING out there looking out for us, SHIT HAPPENS. At best there is energy, and it is up  to us to figure out how to harness that energy to make SHIT HAPPEN for us rather than to us. Many don’t want to hear that, Hell even Atheists seem to have a hard time accepting that Natural Order supersedes MORAL showing that religion is only a symptom of the REAL ISSUE that holds us back. They are quick to point out how many people die in the name of God, when God is often just a cop out, many have died not for God but for the greed and false sense of power of material gains and having weak followers suck up to us for what we have, not what we are. And SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING have designed the most efficient means to take those lives for this purpose, but GOD is the problem…..Right? Many non believers prove just as lost in the scramble that takes place between the simplicity of our animalistic instincts and the complexity of our high intelligence as any pious religious follower. We still pass the buck of the blame, just like the thousands of self righteous people camped out in Central Park trying desperately to convince the world and anyone who will listen that a mere one percent was more responsible for a laundry list of corrupt acts that hurt the many than the apathy, contentment, and patriotism of the ninety-nine percent who CHOSE not to view corruption as something worth standing against until it became that laundry list the whiny little bitches wanted to cry about. With that I will leave you with another of The Real Sith Proverbs.

” The Real Sith knows that HONESTY is the best policy, and HONESTY is as present in The Dark Side as it is in Light, in some cases even more so.” – Darth Venomous

“Childe Roland To The Dark Tower Came”

By Robert Browning

1     My first thought was, he lied in every word,
2         That hoary cripple, with malicious eye
3         Askance to watch the working of his lie
4     On mine, and mouth scarce able to afford
5     Suppression of the glee that pursed and scored
6         Its edge, at one more victim gained thereby.

7     What else should he be set for, with his staff?
8         What, save to waylay with his lies, ensnare
9         All travellers who might find him posted there,
10   And ask the road? I guessed what skull-like laugh
11   Would break, what crutch ‘gin write my epitaph
12       For pastime in the dusty thoroughfare,

13   If at his counsel I should turn aside
14       Into that ominous tract which, all agree,
15       Hides the Dark Tower. Yet acquiescingly
16   I did turn as he pointed: neither pride
17   Nor hope rekindling at the end descried,
18       So much as gladness that some end might be.

19   For, what with my whole world-wide wandering,
20       What with my search drawn out thro’ years, my hope
21       Dwindled into a ghost not fit to cope
22   With that obstreperous joy success would bring,
23   I hardly tried now to rebuke the spring
24       My heart made, finding failure in its scope.

25   As when a sick man very near to death
26       Seems dead indeed, and feels begin and end
27       The tears and takes the farewell of each friend,
28   And hears one bid the other go, draw breath
29   Freelier outside (“since all is o’er,” he saith,
30       “And the blow fallen no grieving can amend”;)

31   While some discuss if near the other graves
32       Be room enough for this, and when a day
33       Suits best for carrying the corpse away,
34   With care about the banners, scarves and staves:
35   And still the man hears all, and only craves
36       He may not shame such tender love and stay.

37   Thus, I had so long suffered in this quest,
38       Heard failure prophesied so oft, been writ
39       So many times among “The Band”–to wit,
40   The knights who to the Dark Tower’s search addressed
41   Their steps–that just to fail as they, seemed best,
42       And all the doubt was now–should I be fit?

43   So, quiet as despair, I turned from him,
44       That hateful cripple, out of his highway
45       Into the path he pointed. All the day
46   Had been a dreary one at best, and dim
47   Was settling to its close, yet shot one grim
48       Red leer to see the plain catch its estray.

49   For mark! no sooner was I fairly found
50       Pledged to the plain, after a pace or two,
51       Than, pausing to throw backward a last view
52   O’er the safe road, ’twas gone; grey plain all round:
53   Nothing but plain to the horizon’s bound.
54       I might go on; nought else remained to do.

55   So, on I went. I think I never saw
56       Such starved ignoble nature; nothing throve:
57       For flowers–as well expect a cedar grove!
58   But cockle, spurge, according to their law
59   Might propagate their kind, with none to awe,
60         You’d think; a burr had been a treasure-trove.

61   No! penury, inertness and grimace,
62       In some strange sort, were the land’s portion. “See
63       Or shut your eyes,” said Nature peevishly,
64   “It nothing skills: I cannot help my case:
65   ‘Tis the Last Judgment’s fire must cure this place,
66       Calcine its clods and set my prisoners free.”

67   If there pushed any ragged thistle-stalk
68       Above its mates, the head was chopped; the bents
69       Were jealous else. What made those holes and rents
70   In the dock’s harsh swarth leaves, bruised as to baulk
71   All hope of greenness? ’tis a brute must walk
72       Pashing their life out, with a brute’s intents.

73   As for the grass, it grew as scant as hair
74       In leprosy; thin dry blades pricked the mud
75       Which underneath looked kneaded up with blood.
76   One stiff blind horse, his every bone a-stare,
77   Stood stupefied, however he came there:
78       Thrust out past service from the devil’s stud!

79   Alive? he might be dead for aught I know,
80       With that red gaunt and colloped neck a-strain,
81       And shut eyes underneath the rusty mane;
82   Seldom went such grotesqueness with such woe;
83   I never saw a brute I hated so;
84       He must be wicked to deserve such pain.

85   I shut my eyes and turned them on my heart.
86       As a man calls for wine before he fights,
87       I asked one draught of earlier, happier sights,
88   Ere fitly I could hope to play my part.
89   Think first, fight afterwards–the soldier’s art:
90       One taste of the old time sets all to rights.

91   Not it! I fancied Cuthbert’s reddening face
92       Beneath its garniture of curly gold,
93       Dear fellow, till I almost felt him fold
94   An arm in mine to fix me to the place
95   That way he used. Alas, one night’s disgrace!
96       Out went my heart’s new fire and left it cold.

97   Giles then, the soul of honour–there he stands
98       Frank as ten years ago when knighted first.
99       What honest men should dare (he said) he durst.
100 Good–but the scene shifts–faugh! what hangman hands
101 In to his breast a parchment? His own bands
102     Read it. Poor traitor, spit upon and curst!

103 Better this present than a past like that;
104     Back therefore to my darkening path again!
105     No sound, no sight as far as eye could strain.
106 Will the night send a howlet or a bat?
107 I asked: when something on the dismal flat
108     Came to arrest my thoughts and change their train.

109 A sudden little river crossed my path
110     As unexpected as a serpent comes.
111     No sluggish tide congenial to the glooms;
112 This, as it frothed by, might have been a bath
113 For the fiend’s glowing hoof–to see the wrath
114     Of its black eddy bespate with flakes and spumes.

115 So petty yet so spiteful! All along
116     Low scrubby alders kneeled down over it;
117     Drenched willows flung them headlong in a fit
118 Of mute despair, a suicidal throng:
119 The river which had done them all the wrong,
120     Whate’er that was, rolled by, deterred no whit.

121 Which, while I forded,–good saints, how I feared
122     To set my foot upon a dead man’s cheek,
123     Each step, or feel the spear I thrust to seek
124 For hollows, tangled in his hair or beard!
125 –It may have been a water-rat I speared,
126     But, ugh! it sounded like a baby’s shriek.

127 Glad was I when I reached the other bank.
128     Now for a better country. Vain presage!
129     Who were the strugglers, what war did they wage,
130 Whose savage trample thus could pad the dank
131 Soil to a plash? Toads in a poisoned tank,
132     Or wild cats in a red-hot iron cage–

133 The fight must so have seemed in that fell cirque.
134     What penned them there, with all the plain to choose?
135     No foot-print leading to that horrid mews,
136 None out of it. Mad brewage set to work
137 Their brains, no doubt, like galley-slaves the Turk
138     Pits for his pastime, Christians against Jews.

139 And more than that–a furlong on–why, there!
140     What bad use was that engine for, that wheel,
141     Or brake, not wheel–that harrow fit to reel
142 Men’s bodies out like silk? with all the air
143 Of Tophet’s tool, on earth left unaware,
144     Or brought to sharpen its rusty teeth of steel.

145 Then came a bit of stubbed ground, once a wood,
146     Next a marsh, it would seem, and now mere earth
147     Desperate and done with; (so a fool finds mirth,
148 Makes a thing and then mars it, till his mood
149 Changes and off he goes!) within a rood–
150     Bog, clay and rubble, sand and stark black dearth.

151 Now blotches rankling, coloured gay and grim,
152     Now patches where some leanness of the soil’s
153     Broke into moss or substances like boils;
154 Then came some palsied oak, a cleft in him
155 Like a distorted mouth that splits its rim
156     Gaping at death, and dies while it recoils.

157 And just as far as ever from the end!
158     Nought in the distance but the evening, nought
159     To point my footstep further! At the thought,
160 A great black bird, Apollyon’s bosom-friend,
161 Sailed past, nor beat his wide wing dragon-penned
162     That brushed my cap–perchance the guide I sought.

163 For, looking up, aware I somehow grew,
164     ‘Spite of the dusk, the plain had given place
165     All round to mountains–with such name to grace
166 Mere ugly heights and heaps now stolen in view.
167 How thus they had surprised me,–solve it, you!
168     How to get from them was no clearer case.

169 Yet half I seemed to recognise some trick
170     Of mischief happened to me, God knows when–
171     In a bad dream perhaps. Here ended, then,
172 Progress this way. When, in the very nick
173 Of giving up, one time more, came a click
174     As when a trap shuts–you’re inside the den!

175 Burningly it came on me all at once,
176     This was the place! those two hills on the right,
177     Crouched like two bulls locked horn in horn in fight;
178 While to the left, a tall scalped mountain . . . Dunce,
179 Dotard, a-dozing at the very nonce,
180     After a life spent training for the sight!

181 What in the midst lay but the Tower itself?
182     The round squat turret, blind as the fool’s heart
183     Built of brown stone, without a counterpart
184 In the whole world. The tempest’s mocking elf
185 Points to the shipman thus the unseen shelf
186     He strikes on, only when the timbers start.

187 Not see? because of night perhaps?–why, day
188     Came back again for that! before it left,
189     The dying sunset kindled through a cleft:
190 The hills, like giants at a hunting, lay
191 Chin upon hand, to see the game at bay,–
192     “Now stab and end the creature–to the heft!”

193 Not hear? when noise was everywhere! it tolled
194     Increasing like a bell. Names in my ears
195     Of all the lost adventurers my peers,–
196 How such a one was strong, and such was bold,
197 And such was fortunate, yet each of old
198     Lost, lost! one moment knelled the woe of years.

199 There they stood, ranged along the hillsides, met
200     To view the last of me, a living frame
201     For one more picture! in a sheet of flame
202 I saw them and I knew them all. And yet
203 Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set,
204     And blew. “Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.



I am not a “Professional” I lack the training and the patients in a lot of ways to consider myself that. I AM a monkey fucking a football, but because that description applies to so many of us stumbling our way through life, admitting it, hopefully makes me something the average person can relate to more than a “Professional” could ever be. I think that’s why I tend to be more fond of Social Workers rather than Psychologists. Their training is more rounded and having seen many of both, in my experience and observation Social Workers come at it from a more Human perspective, more caring perspective it seems, than do psychologists.

I fuck up, like everyone does. Much of what you read here is the cynical views of someone who has had the ever living shit kicked out of them. In a post from this past Summer, I state that I am a bastard, not for the novelty of it, not out of a sense of vengeance against the world, but because only a bastard COULD come back from the pit I got myself into. This wasn’t long ago, only a couple months, I would not face trial until August 19th and was only sentenced to probation literally a little over a week ago,  As much as I have done to bounce back from my ordeal, in many ways it’s still fresh, still raw, still bleeding like a bitch. It’s hard to see allies when so many turned away, hard to see decency, when so many use it just to get what they fucking want, BUT ironically enough, it’s hard to see the pain of another, as any less suspect as the ones who fuck you up and mean to. I don’t want to be Childe Roland, the truth is, when so much shit looks the same you won’t find that fucking tower, because the river of shit is so long and deep that there can be no end in sight. 😀 Just a wheel that keeps turning. ( And yes, you will find that The Spirit Realm stories I do are in many ways inspired by The Dark Tower Series, but hey I’ve only been reading Stephen King since I was eight years old, so go figure.)

I told someone that I could never BE perfection, but I will always try to be my BEST. Something so much more easier said then done, especially when you JUST get to a place where you can bring yourself to be DIRECT about shit, only to wind up in a situation where that is not a strength but a weakness. I got with my sister tonight and several things were discussed.  I am starting a daily segment here on the blog, most of you may not get it but that’s fine it’s actually a truce and a bit of a puzzle game. It will be a visual sequence of pictures that say something. I’m doing it because some people have a harder time than others communicating, and hence have their own unique language, I want to TRY to be more understanding of that. We all have our battles, being the better person who understood that in light of my own was the reason I started this blog in the first place. So Yeah, I STILL fuck up, but the important thing is to try to overcome that. I’ll go ahead and start and say this is a picture of my mother Arliss Renee Mullens Workman, she died when I was 11 years old on March 18th 1990. I haven’t said a great deal about my past beyond the last few years, and I don’t HAVE many pictures myself, so some could probably wonder if I didn’t just spring from a crack in the Earth a full grown asshole. 😀 It took time, after her death, I went for seven years very seldom ever coming out of my room except for school. In many ways there is not a whole lot that could be learned of me because I  became a Goddamn void for so long, my sister who is part of Team BIG CAT is going to help me fill in those gaps, it’s the least I can do. 😀 Peace, -Love BIG CAT ( You’ll turn my ass from Sith to Jedi yet.)



1964 at the age of 18

Summer 1989

Summer 1989