I was still one angry motherfucker, resigned to going back to shit as normal. Something happened around the holidays in 2013, with the next step of my legal ordeal set to take place on January 10th, 2014, I never dealt with the legal system really and so every step in the process felt like it could be an end to me. My public defender was answering a few questions but not many and as pissed as I was over the whole thing, ( Mainly because everyone I showed that damn post to, asked why this was still going forward.) There is a certain sentimentality when you’re faced with not knowing if this is going to be your last holiday as a free person. The following is pulled from various posts during the month of December, 2013, reflections that showed a humble, grateful and yet still edged mentality towards the world in general.
December 11th, 2013
I will go the opposite direction since it would seem that my little Grinch heart has grown three whole sizes in just the last couple weeks. For those who have proven to me with an unmerited birthday wish that it really is possible to have a relationship that is built on absolutely nothing but common courtesy….damn, yeah that happens still. For those Art groups who are their own entity, who have their own agenda but still show up to our shows and meetings, and even volunteer here at the theater for proving that the type of loyalty that can’t be bought, but is forged from giving a shit about more than just themselves still exists. For those who give so much of their time and effort so that I don’t have to anymore, for those that have stood by me even as I sit in a limbo of uncertainty about my own future. and those who have given me much to think about, and all the other thoughtful people who simply are who they are. Thank you, for keeping me moving forward, If I didn’t have these examples I would not do what I do, and then all my bitching would just be pissing razor blades. You have my loyalty and admiration.
December 28th, 2013
A new year is coming, so lets all make a new years resolution to be proud of, starting with the recognition that when it comes to being a racist, a bigot, a sexist (both male and female, lets be fair.) a poor person who hates rich people, a rich person who hates poor people, an American who hates people from other countries, or people from other countries that hate us, a specieist or anyone from any religion ranging from Christianity, Atheism, Pagan, Satanist, Hindu, Jewish, Science and everything in between, hating on each other, at their core they are no different. I admit that I fit into a couple of those categories myself, I’m a reverse specieist because while I love animals I kinda hate people in general, also admittedly due to many personal experiences I have a slight beef with my opposite gender, that’s not something I’m particularly proud of, I try not to be an ass about it especially toward people I don’t even know but it is present and it is a struggle, because it was forged from bad experience. The point is, before you get on a high and mighty kick over someone being one of the above, look to thine own ass first, and decide whether or not in your own way, you are just like them. Double standards do more to hurt your cause than theirs, and while it may be, well rather damn hard not to hate the world as it is, we owe it to ourselves not to hate it for every reason we would have to hate ourselves. Fight action, not opinion, or you become just another facist group waiting to happen. Fuck you and good night. 😀
December 30th, 2013
Many moons ago philosophers came up with the concept of debate. At the time it was treated as an exchange of ideas with one person on one side of the spectrum and another from the other side of the spectrum making their points and counter points, until both started getting the idea that niether side was “wrong” and thus they were able to meet in the middle finding the balance between them. As such it was a sort of harmonius argument.
Everything that has a beginning has an end, and the noble intent behind the concept of debate is no different. What we call debate now, is just an excuse for a bunch of hard headed motherfuckers to bitch, they reiterate the same shit over and over, as though the thousandth time they say it is going to make their “opponent” listen any more than the last 999 times they spit it. (cough, government shut down) Sorry I must’ve had a frog in my left hand there. What changed? Good question, part of it, I believe is the idea that debate is meant to be a competition, that there should be a “winner” at the end of it. Such an idea only aids in amping up the role that ego plays in it, and so because of that, no one wants to be “wrong”, and the only option left to them is to stick to there guns, so to speak. We’ve eliminated the role listening was meant to play in the process. Debate, now is an endless fight that leads nowhere, and changes nothing, and without change we can not grow, not as individuals, not as a society, not as a species. We have become stagnant and complacent. (cough, government shut down) Damn, there it goes again, my bad.
Now, because I am me, and I don’t give a shit to rattle a few cages, I am going to show how compromise can be met using one of the few no, no topics, religion. What do you say, a little old, a little new? How about a little Christianity V.S. Science using Genesis as the back drop? Because what better place to start than at the beginning? God created everything, no there was this big explosion from some fucking unexplainable void that aligned things proper for all that we know to exist. You heathens, I’m not a heathen, you’re just a stupid superstitious fuck, that believes in fairytales. Unbunch those undies folks, because no one ever said that we were’nt going to find out how God did what He did, We were made in his image after all right? But there was nothing but a void, there is no proof that some super being was out there creating everything. And if there is no evidence, it doesn’t exist. Maybe, but ugh have you ever been poor? I have, you ever walk through a parking lot and picked up that $50 dollar winning lottery ticket that someone carelessly dropped? I have and I don’t give a fuck what you say, any time you get something from nothing it’s a fucking miracle, and that was just $50 bucks that helped pay a bill, we’re talking everything you see when you look up at the sky at night, everything we hold dear, everything period. This isn’t card tricks we are talking about, it’s not the art form of illusion, it’s life itself, do any of you really think that taking the spectacle out of it can do anything to eliminate it’s greater meaning to us all? Sad and arrogant, really on both sides, when you think about it.
So you think we look like God? is that what that line means? We have free will and intelligence which allows us to “create” much of what we imagine as well as use what we find in the natural world to make medicines and such. I wasn’t alive to see Adam and Eve, I’m old, but my ass isn’t that old, and if I wanted to spend a fortune in razors I would have to shave daily, I don’t have a problem with the idea that we came from ape like creatures. So the first monkey climbed out of a tree and said. “Damn this moss is soft yo, come feel this shit.” How exactly does that change the meaning of a story that basically told us that once we started acting like we knew what the fuck we were doing it all started going to shit? it doesn’, bbbbb but the bible says, the bible says, What exactly? You see very few people even the ones that have followed it their whole lives, are the handful of scholarly fucks that can read the dead language of Aramaic, to actually know. What we have to follow is the translation that was commissioned by some fat cat monarch, during an age when disagreeing with a king or queen meant you got your fucking head chopped off, and while the word of God may be pure, humans are not.
So whats the score so far? Who’s ahead bible thumpers or pocket protector geeks? Or are they even so far as this argument stands? More people have died in the name of God than anything, but science and engineering gave them the tools to do so more efficiently, including the very weapons that could wipe us all out in one fell swoop. Understand that the belief is not the problem, the problem is a deeper flaw in human nature itself. Open your minds a little, or at least don’t let your fucking arrogant closed mindedness become a threat to us all. Again Fuck You and Good Night. 😀