The Unspoken Ethic

I AM an asshole Buckeye, and we always hated this fucking state anyway, it was one of the few things we shared in common with Michigan, all the Goddamn refugees we got from this piss-antville because hillbillies were never able to feed their kids off the dick they made here.

Not sure going home is an option for me, but staying in this place is suicide, for many reasons, most of which is summed up by the fact that it sits at the top of damn near every shit list a sociologist could possibly make a study for.

Here’s to new beginnings in better places, with better people. ( accept in a rare few occasions.) < I got drunk that night, bitterness was indeed in full swing though one thing would stick from that moment of clarity, I would go on to focus a great deal on writing. I get that some people out there may take exception to the statement made here, to them all I can say is, You’re not me, not everyone gets put into a position to question the validity of the world they make home for themselves and knowing what I know I am grateful FOR YOU, it’s not a fate I would exactly wish on someone. If it had only been alienation it’s possible I would not have had this stand point, but it was not just alienation it was imprisonment, and being hunted by the one who sought to alienate me in the first place and seeing how none of that even put a dent in the people I had once supported. There is an exchange in The Matrix that I think sums it up quite nicely.

Neo: I can’t go back, can I?

Morpheus: No, but if you could, would you really want to?

I got my red pill, and to tell you the truth even now thinking back to some of the moments that made my time in that world worthwhile I STILL have those times that I wish I could wake up and find everything from these last few years had just been a dream. Only I know better.

Comments:

RN: Hate to break the news to you but much of upper ohio( steel/rubber) and a good portion of southern michigan( auto) was all seeded REAL HEAVY during and after WWII BY WEST VIRGINIANS LMAO
LEARN THE HISTORY BRO! LOL
I’m glad you are starting to see through the masks. Not all those in performing arts have the same egotistical attitudes or as delusional as the ones here who are make believe on and off the stage. But REAL LIFE is better without the bullshit and drama weak ppl thrive on. Better to tear everyone else down then actually work on fixing”me”- and they think others can’t see through their mask/lies! It takes a change of attitudes not latitudes to change a persons problems- even though most run like hell rather then stand and face their problems. lol < 😀 Okay so maybe I could stand for history lesson, at least when I’m sober anyway. As for the second part……….. I would go on to recently maybe find a few who are real…. The jury is still out, but they certainly gained a measure of respect. But as for that third part, to live where people blindly accept and want nothing, or as I have seen from a different angle take a recovering junkie and what good does it really do them in a fucking place where drugs are rampant and the money from them controls the area? That Last may be partially right, but there is STILL  a pretty damn strong argument for changing latitudes as well.

TCH: There is one cure for most problems. Finding happiness from within, happiness with and within yourself. No matter where you go or what you do there is one person you cannot shake or escape… Yourself. Go if you must. It would help you make a new start and get away from old haunts and ghosts but beware. You must like the travel companion you take with you… Yourself. See this is the biggest problem with the human condition. The reason people can’t be alone and always need company. They can’t stand their damn self.. But the problem is, most other people can’t stand them… Or themselves either. (Holy crap, that was deep) and that just rolled out as I was typing grin emoticon!! But true nonetheless . I hope YOU find the happiness YOU seek. Wherever that is. Best of luck. < The greatest resentment I had towards myself was the fact that I had set myself up to make the fall so easy. That was stupid on my part, I had let a bleeding heart blind me to the realities of the world around me, but then those realities make hatred towards them just as viable. Two wrongs may not make a right but a balance must be met and that can not seem to happen so long as the concepts worthy of hatred go unchecked. I have walked the edge of that razor, even slipped a few times. After all this time and much thought I have decided that since there is no unlearning the things I have learned, it is not happiness I seek, it is BALANCE.

Shayne: It’s not about happiness, it’s about finally accepting something inside of me that I have done everything in my power to fight, only to find out…..It was always right.

TCH: Does that bring peace, or despair. I don’t know what you’re referring to, nor do I need to. If it’s not about happiness, could you at least find peace?

RN: I’d advise waiting till after first of August to travel unless you like being wet? August will be another month with below normal temps but nothing like Sept/Oct- and beyond. Cold like we haven’t seen is coming in a very few short months and you wanna go north with no where to go? Legal issues settled? Peace will only come when the Past and all those who betrayed you or turned their backs are buried and forgotten. As long as the past is the focus you’ll find nothing positive will come from it. When we hold resentment, anger or hate and live for revenge we are still hostage to those that did us wrong. The enlightened person walks away from those emotions and releases themselves from this bondage. There is no such thing as getting even or getting back at someone- unless life/future doesn’t matter to you. Children think like this. Adults( real ones) realize today and tomorrow are to precious and valuable to waste on yesterday’s.

Shayne: Revenge is pointless, those of my past are of little consequence. Revenge is not the motivation of my action, using what it all has given me to ensure my own place above them is. I have stated my belief on peace in a world where there is always going to be something or someone in your damn face. What some call peace I call complacency and in it, real growth stops. Peace is for gods who no longer have a higher tier to reach not us, we must suffer in order to learn the truth, that is how we get STRENGTH with our WISDOM.
Asked if my epiphany could give me peace if not happiness my only answer is…Neither, that was not the realization that was meant to. What it will give me is a means to rip down the weakness that got me in this position in the first place, the weakness that had me building the pedastools of others, rather than my own, to the point that all it took to send my ass down into the abyss was JUST a little push.

RN: Place above them? And you say not revenge motivated? Inward looking is one of the directions to seek the knowledge of truth brother? You can do better then this. Tough frigging love bro

Shayne: I will be remembered for what I gain, they will not, and they have no real wish to, and no real wish make a solid enough foundation for anything that can last. You can’t take revenge on people like that anyway. So yeah, I do say My place above them, without regards to revenge. Revenge requires intent, they simply don’t matter enough for me to care about how anything I do effects them good or bad.
I agree introspection is a path to knowledge, but anything that is limited only to self will only carry one so far, and will blind you to the truth of the world you live in without the other, that too was part of what led to my fall. The hard cold truth I got from my introspection is that…..I deserved all of this, because I rendered myself too weak to keep it from happening. All I’m saying is Take no shit and if you believe you have more to offer the world than another, Step on the toes that they aren’t using anyway, it’s a bigger crime to the world not to.

RN: Then why not say your place in the world? Get it? lol
The subconscious mind Speaks volumes when you tune in to it. We all have been programmed by a colonial religious culture that wants us tore-up, knotted up inside. That way we turn to them( government/church). What you believed that crap about separation? I suppose you think media tells the facts/truth? LMAO
Jokin brother- but you see what I mean I hope? When they no longer enter your thoughts and no longer truly matter then we say- “They are Dead to Me”. And that means they no longer exists at all. THIS- is what destroys these pettyass insecure two face ppl. Then they have no power at all in our lives and they are stuck thinking about us and where they were defeated. And as they dwell upon us- we draw their medicine/energy from THEM! So which way do you wanna go towards the future- gaining or draining? < We had many such debates over the year. It’s always good when you have someone who will take something from a perspective you haven’t thought of to open your eyes. I will never say I am always right, and in fact when emotion takes center stage and mix with train of logic I can be a fucking rabid Bulldog. People like this can ground you keep you from going overboard. Debate, not argument, sadly so many of us today can not distinguish the difference.

Shayne: We spar well. 😀 Most people just don’t wanna play with me. LOL I get it and I suppose right now especially, it does still occupy a special place in the back of my mind. I fear that’s the curse of having a wound to tend during battle. I am having to baby step around it as much as possible so it doesn’t completely suck me in, once I gain full footing the ability to let it go will fall into place, by then I will have other things, better things to occupy myself and thoughts with anyway.

RN: You have the medicine/power to cure it anytime you choose to see it as a blessing? Yes it’s hard right now. No you’re not wealthy and own a lot of stuff- but those days will be over for everyone before long I’m afraid;economy or weather event- something will break the bank the government spends from and it’s downhill from there. Right off a cliff lol
We can choose to diminish, negate or amplify anything mental we choose to. And usually ppl just preoccupy themselves rather then dealing with it- that’s why they step around that wound years later. Free yourself now and look at all the fake crap you no longer deal with?

Shayne: It’s diminishing slowly, the big dog is yet to come off it’s leash. When it does and I get my not guilty nod. It will all be past, all but that utter waste of rain forest that tells me to do what I was already fucking doing anyway. Now that does bring up a valid point. We said “civil” and my demeanor changed, I thought it was over, then I got booted in the snow. I bitched for two weeks tops before deciding, fuck it, none of that shit I left was worth it. For two months pretty much all I focused on was putting Humpty Dumpty together again. Then I find I can’t even be seen in public without someone stirring shit up, adding a new element and leading to this. I can’t really ever be sure it is past. Again I ask at what point do I earn the right of self defense? My ass on street, has shown me that JUST shrugging it off isn’t saving me from anything.

RN: You deserve many rights brother. But what I’m saying is that “They”are already seen for what they really are. You not doing anything or saying anything has proven once and for all that it wasn’t you that has the mental issues. All the cries of wolf were only cries of “look at me”and by now even the courts and law enforcement has figured out that there’s something really wrong with that one.
You didn’t respond like they said you would and that got many ppl thinking- and many others were already over the attitude of superiority that had to endure from her while trying to be involved with KP. Devon has stayed out of it- but I let him know what others had said about her anger, screaming and yelling at cast members. Make-up she was excellent at- directing she doesn’t have the ppl skills or the talent/education and it’s aware enough to realize that ppl laugh at her behind her back! Stay calm and stay quiet and it SCREAMS VOLUMES AGAINST HER AND THOSE AROUND HER.How to Kill a Mocking Bird

Shayne: My final words as I walked out the door was. You won’t hide who you are forever, everyone will see you for what you are at some point. I just find taking the ass kicking hard until SOMEONE has the guts like me to challenge her power structure. That damn power structure is all she has and it’s crippled. Without it she goes back to being just a little Cabin Creek girl who works part time at a salon and has to deal with shut in daddy who only leaves the house three times a year and is a bigger asshole than both of us combined. These people have already shown with me that once you don’t matter, you don’t matter, no matter what you have done. I NEED her power gone, as much as I hate it, I pray for the place to go under, it’s all she has and the only way I’ll be safe for as long as I’m here. I mean I like some people but the choice between my life and their good time or memories of long ago with family history, ain’t no fucking choice for me. < In short as long as someone could pass information on for favor or asylum from the tyrant who was using the presidency of one of the oldest theaters around, I would never BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE, and I was in NO POSITION to keep carrying the fight like that.

RN: Her power is already collapsing? She has overplayed her hand and ppl are aware of what and who she is. In short time she’ll be without KP. She alone has run off many talented ppl- and word has gotten out.
FYI- praying for revenge only aids the person you seek to hurt. Creator don’t play that! lol

Now as much as even I cringe at this thought sometimes, we are all related, we share an ecosystem, a social structure. EVERYTHING is connected, which causes RESULTS to have chain reactions. What happens to one effects the whole, like it or not. My ability to stick my fingers in my ears and go LA LA LA isn’t going to magically reinflate my tires, or get you hired and it damn sure ain’t gonna take away the consequence of TRUTH.

This is an introspected thought, an individuals response to a situation without any real thought put in to how people, places and things connect with one another. What happens to one effects all that is REALITY. The only DREAM that we need immunization from is the idea that it doesn’t. That’s a cheap way to shirk responsibility for our individual little parts we play in the overall HUMAN CONDITION. In short it is DOGMATIC SIMPLEMINDEDNESS at its shinyest.

This was put up on the page of another of the brood, so I took the liberty of putting it on mine, but not by itself. It annoys me when people put shit like this up anyway and they let it stand alone, like it is some profound statement of self. It’s NOT, it’s just copycatting. It tells me you agree with this, it does not tell me WHY and lets face it, the WHY is what really defines our thoughts and our identity, without that it’s just…….Well, copycatting.

From the teacher who got miffed because I refused to utter even One more word of a Pledge that I had already spoken and had yet to do anything to break, To the preacher who always smiled at the 7 year old boy until the day I asked “Does God have a boss?” The tolerant preacher looked at me and said “No son, God is The Boss, He is the boss over everything.” “Then why did Jesus HAVE to die in order for Him to forgive us, if He wasn’t made to?” The preacher, losing patients reverts to standard Christian structure. “Because he is God and that’s how He decided it should be done and you don’t question that,none of us do, it’s not our place.” To which, in true child fashion I asked my last question. “Doesn’t that make God as mean as the Devil himself?” That preacher never smiled at me again, in fact you would think he believed he was looking at Damien, when he even bothered to look at me at all after that.

I can picture the squint and the frown of the psychiatrist who did my psych evaluation when my response to his question of “You can see how this can be taken as a threat, don’t you?” Was ” You just said you could see where it was all metaphor just a second ago, so I have to ask How would you have really viewed it if you had just come across it on the internet first rather than getting it faxed to you from a prosecutors office in regards to a felony case?” I never got an answer.

My point, I have always been stuck IN this world, but I have never been OF it. Never fit in, never belonged, little of it has ever made any fucking sense to me. I don’t know why, I do know this to be why I went silent for so long, and even that didn’t help, I was still the vampire, the warlock, the satanist, the serial killer the freakshow in the eyes of most around me.
I have always been IN this world, but never OF it. My last great conflict is drawing to a close as I finally start to realize, that really isn’t a bad thing. < If this one looks familiar that’s because it makes up the very first entry I ever put up on this blog. Yeah that was actually a part of my ongoing lead up to the punchline, but then an awful lot of truth really is said in jest isn’t it?

😀 All charged up. Many forms of meditation have I used over the years, this is by far my favorite. It doesn’t require the stifling of self, but rather encourages it. ( Better described as transcendence through acceptance of what you are by nature, as opposed to sticking a hand up your ass and a foot through your earlobe and calling yourself godly, like the Yogis. You have a body, you exist in this physical plane, you shit no different than anything else with one to five legs, come off that fucking high horse.)The results are also quite different as even though I sit here now totally relaxed watching the lightning flicker now in the distance, my whole fucking body hums.

Ultimately it very much feels like the essence of controlled fury. Not rage, lets be clear. Rage can not be controlled because it is too much like a wild fire. It builds and builds and while it renders you invulnerable to pain and makes you strong as a damn ox, no human body can stand up to it for long.

I remember at 16, laying into the heavy punching bag in the garage everyday just to let it all out, but that’s the problem with it, it doesn’t come out, it just builds. I remember just going until I could not stand, could not lift my arms, could not feel the pain of knuckles that were black and bloody, could not pull a coherent thought out of my head for hours through the white noise in my brain, but I could still feel that fire burning. Four hours later my thoughts had worked their way from nothing, to a random word or image, to sentences and finally back to normal. The fire would be gone, snuffed out by my body and brains almost simultaneous shut down. And then I felt it, every fucking bit of it, the fists that I could hardly unball, the full body ache, because you don’t realize that every powerful hit that just about knocked that 50 pound fucker through the wall, was shock your body was absorbing with it.

Those days did teach me the futility of rage, the reason it isn’t worth wielding. All it does is eat. I would go on over the next two years finding alternatives until the rage was no longer there, lets be clear the RAGE was no longer there, the anger still was. It is this meditation that I found that converts ANGER into something more…..practical, Thus controlled fury, as still as the unbroken surface of a pond, but quickly called on for all manner of action. I daresay, my inner conflict forged from the need of self improvement has saved us all A LOT of grief, over the years, consider that, when I say peace is a lie, that may not be the NEGATIVE statement many think it is.

This has been my morning and nightly prayer, my daily power mantra. It has become how I draw focus in the face of long odds, when the thought of them causes everything inside to overwhelm my ass. I’m at war, plain and simple. There are no NORMAL days for me. No going home after work and chilling out, no anticipation of everyday things that we all ( I AM GUILTY TOO) take for granted. Hardly any friendly faces, that I don’t do a double take on, once finding out that there were those who just itched to go and feed the frenzy that landed my ass here.

I walked away for the sake of looking forward. Turning the other cheek FAILED. I have little faith that things will just work out because it would be FAIR if they did.
Little TRUST when I have hardly any way to tell the difference between friend, foe or neutral force. And the only real Strength I have, is what I have dug from the pits after setting myself up for the FALL.

Let it go, it’s the past. For fucking WHO exactly? I’ve become a bastard, NOT for vengeance, NOT for the novelty of it, but because only a bastard CAN climb their way back from THIS. My apologies to those well meaning folk on the outskirts , BUT my Passion and what valuable help I have received is going to be ALL that CAN save my ass, if it even can be saved in the end.

Comments:

TCH: 🙁  seeing your mountain and reading this reminds me of the Jim Carey version of, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. I hope you don’t take offense to that. He lived on his mountain that he went to when no One would accept him for who he was and became more and more anti social and angry. Until Cindy Lou saw thru it and brought him out of his shell. Don’t give up on all the Who’s in Whoville. A few are worth coming off the mountain for.

Shayne: If it’s any consolation, everyone’s WhoHash will be safe from me……..this year. :D

TCH: Lol. And the RoastBeast?

Shayne: Now that you might have to watch the only choice meats in these woods are deer and bear and I have no way to hunt them.

I figured I might as well just own that shit. And hey if the nancy boy English can give the world Jedi, of course America would give it Sith, we are the rebellious bad asses after all.

With Love and Honesty
Darth Venomous a.k.a  Shayne Workman < I had set it up long enough I had figured it was time to make the puppets dance. You see the thing about the Junior High School clique mentality is that they really are a superstitious and cowardly lot and because of this they are just so damn predictable. They have they same arguments every time and in fact the same type of gags of which the cheerleader liking the outcast gag is there strongest. It simply does not matter if the motherfuckers are 15 or 35. As planned I was once more the Debil wit da Fitch Pork LOL. It would take less than half a day before I started seeing all the posts putting down MAGIC USE and such, and in fact the very next day I would inspire an entire blog entry revolving around the counter magic of the witch jar. LOL yeah I had hit pay dirt, now it was time to deliver and milk that fucking punchline.